Gotham City??

Kim and I were walking down our hill to Manly last night to catch some Australia Day festivities. It was twilight, two blocks from our home, and we noticed birds flying erratically about 20 feet over our heads. We looked up and saw against the outline of the fading light the biggest f-ing bat you can imagine. It's wingspan was 4 feet wide. Kim said "that's just like the Batman light in the sky - I thought that was an exaggerated symbol that represented the outline of tiny bats! I didn't know they were really that big"

Later we ran across a colony of them. We were walking down the corso in central Manly and I saw a 3-year old pointing to the tree above us trying to get his dad's attention. We looked up and saw what looked like Koalas or possums or raccoons fidgeting, climbing, grabbing little branches. They were actually these giant bats. Little clusters of leaves were falling all around us because they were so big that if they grabbed onto something too small it would break loose and they would quickly reach to grasp something more substantial. It looked like some of the giant bats would slip and fall right on us. It made me very uncomfortable - but I was mesmerized and couldn't move out of the way.

I did a little research tonight and they are actually "flying foxes" (Pteropus) and here is a link to more information. Amazing, and spine chilling creatures. I hope I see them again - but maybe from a safer distance.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_fox

This one is in a zoo - but imagine looking up and seeing 20 of these in a tree right above you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8liMvCKeiQ

Realize that we have very large windows and a triple-sliding-door that we keep open ALL THE TIME. No screens. The sea breeze blowing through here is incredible (and life changing). But if one of these F*ckers flies into our 7th floor bedroom at night by mistake - I'm pretty confident Kim will be cashing a life insurance policy on me. If that happens I hope she writes a blog entry about my final moments of arm-waving, screaming-like-an-eleven-year-old-girl hysteria - I'm sure it will be really, really funny (once the tragedy wears off, of course).

Along these same lines - we played golf for the first time last weekend. The course we played (Wakehurst if you want to google it) is about 5 miles from our house. We encountered two very large snakes. It puts an extra penalty on hitting your ball into the rough. Between the snakes and giant spiders -  I'm not sure how much golf we are going to be playing over here!

The Great Race Part I

We live 5.25 miles – um, I mean 8.5 km, from the office. We are on a peninsula in an area called the Northern Beaches that is served by a 4-lane road that crosses a drawbridge – called “The Spit Bridge”. Commuters in North Sydney fall into one of four categories – 1. Walk to work (not many of these). 2. on the Rail Line (which runs many miles to the north of town),  3. “on this side of the Spit Bridge”, 4. “oh, the other side of the Spit Bridge”. Cab drivers don’t like to go to the “other side of the Spit Bridge” because they might get stuck on the other side for hours. In case of an accident or stalled car or the bridge needs to open to let someone’s yacht pass through - traffic will instantly back up.  Some of you will take the 14-hour flight from California to visit – and your first experience in Sydney after wobbling off the plane will be taking the drive out to our peninsula. Sorry about that. Pee before you leave the terminal – you don’t know how long it will be until your next opportunity. Ask Ken and Beth about that.

Kim prefers to commute to work by bus. There is an “express” bus that leaves from our neighborhood and drops off about 500 meters from the office. Since we are the first stop each way – we can almost always get a seat. Usually we can sit together – but not always. The bus takes between 25 and 50 minutes to go 5 miles. It depends on traffic and the draw bridge.

I prefer to commute by Fast Ferry (non-government - privately operated), but there is an inherent flaw to this because the Ferry doesn’t go to North Sydney – it goes to the Central Business District (where the Opera House is). To do this commute – I have to finish off the trip by getting across the harbor bridge to our office (about 1.5 miles total). There are 4 options:

1.      Take a train one stop, change to another train and go 2 stops to the office.

2.      Take a bus across the bridge.

3.      Taxi (about $15 to get across the bridge)

4.      Walk. It takes about 40 minutes.

The most common scenario for my Ferry commute is for me to do the Ferry/train/train in the morning and walk/Ferry in the evening. It’s downhill from our office to the Ferry – grab a cold brew and enjoy upper deck, 18 minute sail out to Manly. A couple of times I had luggage or it was raining and I took the cab option. Kim is kind of frugal and it drives her crazy that I may spend an additional $15 to take a cab across the bridge. I don’t do it very often – but she always makes sure to ask.

Kim ‘s reasons for taking the bus:

1.     It’s usually about 15 minutes faster “door to door”

2.     It’s $7 cheaper than Ferry/Train/Train and $3.50 cheaper than Walk/Ferry. (important note: we don’t own a car, don’t pay for gasoline, parking, insurance, maintenance, depreciation, license, taxes – so $7 one-way may sound like a lot to Kansas City car-commuters, but we are way ahead of the game financially when you factor it all in).

So, in summary, Kim has two reasons  - faster and cheaper.

Here are my reasons for NOT taking the bus:

1.      Frequently Crowded

2.      Frequently Hot

3.      My knees hit the seat in front of me, my ass hangs off of the edge and gets bumped by people walking by.

4.      May not be able to get seats together

5.      People cough and sneeze on you

6.      Vulnerable to Traffic Jams / draw bridge open. You never know how long the trip will take.

7.      SOMETIMES the bus arrives and leaves a couple of minutes early – so you ALWAYS have to arrive at the bus stop early just in case it’s one of those times (Kim frets over this every time since it happened to her once – so she has to get there at least 5 minutes early and stand in line).

8.      Uncertainty and nagging Guilt around whether I should give up my seat to a lady. Kim won’t allow me to unless she is pregnant or very, very old. It creates internal conflict for me. **

9.      Guys stand with their junk inches from my face. One pony-tail guy in particular gets on at the last stop on the peninsula so there are never seats left and he stands in the aisle facing sideways instead of facing forward like normal people are supposed to stand. He did this to me twice. If the bus swayed a little and he lost his balance just the slightest bit – his junk would smash into my right ear.

10.   Homeless people sleep at the bus stop.

11.   People smell bad and/or breathe puke breath after a hard night of partying at the beach and trying to get home.

12.   No coffee or beer allowed on the bus.

13.   Have to have a ticket before you get on or have exact change or make everyone mad by holding everything up.

14.   The bus stop is 100 meters further from our house than the wharf and you have to cross two streetlight crosswalks to get there.

And my reasons for taking the Ferry:

1.      Rarely full. Ferry’s are built for the extreme case, full passenger scenario because they can make more money during peak holidays and peak travel days. Our fast ferry is usually about 1/3 full to capacity.

2.      Outside seating, standing, walk around space is available.

3.      Serves Coffee in the morning – Beer in the afternoon. On Thursday and Friday  – beer is 2:1, the best price I’ve seen in all of Sydney.

4.      Pastry and FREE FRUIT in the morning.

5.      Flat screen TV’s showing the news or live sporting events.

6.      Free Wireless Internet access – you can actually do e-mails, blogs, and stock trades while commuting.

7.      The extra $3.50 per trip (over the bus) is a deterrent for drunks, homeless people, and people with kids (don’t get me wrong – kids are great, but not on my commute).

8.      No one is ever standing with their junk inches from your face.

9.      If the crew sees you coming  – they wave and smile and wait for you to get onboard before they leave (they have an extra boost they can do to make up time out on the open water).

10.   NEVER leaves early – so you can time your arrival just right and walk on without ever standing in a line or waiting.

11.   The trip always takes 18 minutes. Always. No stoplights, no crosswalks, no traffic jams.

12.   The ferry unloads on the evening beach in Manly. Why is this relevant? Because the topless sun worshipers move 3 blocks from the “ocean” beach (east facing) to the “harbor” beach (west facing) to catch the late sun.

13.   It’s a boat ride on the open water in the fresh air! I mean Come On! People come from the suburbs to Sydney on the weekend just so they can pay to ride the ferry around in circles going nowhere because it’s a fun thing to do. We can do this twice a day – every day! You may even see a whale or a shark or a seal.

One beautiful sunny morning I suggested we take the ferry – Kim said  “ blah blah blah the bus is faster blah blah”. So I went my way and she went hers. I walked directly on the ferry and it took off while she was still waiting at the  first. crosswalk stoplight. I went to the bar and upgraded my frequent ferry card for 10 more trips,  bought  coffee, grabbed a banana and kicked back in a big comfy chair.

Then I got an inspiration – she was still waiting in line for the bus in Manly and I could already see the opera house just in front of us.  With a little luck – I could actually beat her to the office. Then every time she says “blah blah blah the bus is faster” I can roll my eyes and say “no it’s not”.

I got off the ferry and faced the decision of how I was going to get across the bridge “screw it – I’m swinging for a 6 (a home run in cricket). I’m going to beat her AND I’m going to do it by walking across the bridge.  Wearing my long-sleeved shirt, Allan Edmunds executive shoes, and carrying my laptop bag. This will be a great victory - I’ll hurry into my office chair and flip on my laptop and squint at the screen with my work scowl going and when she gets there I’ll act like I’ve been there for a long time. When she accuses me of wasting $15 on a taxi – I’ll non-chalantly say “nope. It was such a nice day I decided to walk across the bridge”.

Excited to meet the challenge, I take off from Circular Quay, through the Rocks, up the steps, the “nurses walk”, more steps, the bridge steps two at time, onto the bridge (200 feet above where I started) and head north. I can see the office from here. I’ve got it made. She can’t be any further than Mosman by now.

Halfway across the bridge (just below where Oprah and her best friend Gale waited for the photo-shoot helicopter to re-fuel) “hmmm… in the north east morning the sun (the sun is to the north down under) is pretty hot on this side of the bridge – this part is shady on my evening walks. I might be a little sweaty when I get there. I hope Kim doesn’t notice or it will blow my cover”.

The cool sea breeze helped me manage the sweat problem – except where they hung a big “O” light-up sign to welcome Oprah and it blocked the breeze (to this day it is still hanging up there and she left 6 weeks ago).

Off the bridge to Kirribilli – I text Kim “where r u” (hoping this doesn’t tip her off to the fact that we are, in fact, in a great race that she doesn’t know she is in. “neutral bay”. Ha! I’ve got her – I’m going to win this thing.

I get to the cross walk across the street from our building. It’s red. It won’t change. I see waves of people coming from the trains and the bus stop. Still red. More waves of people. I can make a mad dash – but the traffic is heavy. At this time of day the lights are optimized for the cars coming across the bridge from one side and the train / bus commuters walking from the other direction. A rogue commuter trying to break away from the crowd and invent a new commuting paradigm gets few green lights.

 She beat me. She was in one of those waves of people who I watched helplessly from across 8 lanes of traffic. I can see her desk when I get off the elevator and she was unpacking her laptop casually. At least she hadn’t figured out it was a race – or she would have quickly unpacked, put on her work scowl and acted like she had been there for awhile.  “Ha, if she doesn’t realize she was just in a race – then she also doesn’t realize that she won!”.

 When I got to my chair, I collapsed into it with a noisy, squish slurp sound from the sweat running down my back. When I went to get a cup of coffee she could see the stripe running down the back of my shirt. She thought that was hilarious. And then she realized why I sent her a text from Kiribilli and why my shirt was sweaty and that she just won a great race – because she knows me too well.

Ken, who has heard my point-by-point logic for Not taking the bus, e-mailed me this week. He said he noticed that in my Scrabble post I mentioned riding on the bus with Kim just last week. He thought that was interesting and wondered why I wasn’t taking the ferry. I’ll cover that in The Great Race Part II. Right now it’s Australia day and we need to get out to the beach for some fireworks.

** one morning we were on the bus and Jason, an American who works with us and also lives in Manly, was sitting directly behind us. This was the 7:40 express. The “last chance” bus for grumpy commuters who know they should have been on the 7:25 bus but overslept and now are going to be late to work. At one of the last stops off the peninsula a lady got on with her 10-year old daughter.  This never happens on the 7:40 rat race bus. I smelled trouble. Sure enough, they stood next to me because there were no seats left. Every time the bus swayed the slightest bit – the lady would gasp and flail and flop around like a French soccer player faking a knee injury. The hardcore commuters just turned up their iPods and ignored her. Not Jason the guilty American sitting behind me. He offered his seat to the lady and she took it (her daughter was left on her own to deal with the crazy bus tipping back and forth). I heard the lady whisper to her daughter “see, sometimes that happens”. 

Scrabble on our iPhones

Kim and I have iPhones. I noticed about a week ago that she was spending more and more time playing some game on hers. Curious, I asked her about it and if I could get in on it. She said "that would be great-  I'd love to play this game with you". "You mean we can play each other? over our phones?" "yep - see I'm playing someone right now"...  just then her phone sounded do-dot-tu-do and displayed "Corleone  just played xxxxxx for 55 points" (xxxxxx was some obscure word that I can't remember and that I could have just made up here - but I never make stuff up in this blog).

So she showed me how to start playing. It is a Scrabble game for iPhones and it's called "Words with Friends". I downloaded the free version. Kim has the version that costs $2.99. I know this because I get the iTunes bills. She can play against multiple people at one time. Since I have the free version - I get an advertisement after each play I make. 80% of the time the advertisement is something like "need a date - click here".

I like playing Scrabble and it is cool that we can play each other at our own pace or when we are commuting back and forth to work. And, unlike the classic Scrabble board game, we don't have to flip all the tiles over and don't have to worry about nudging the board and screwing up the letters and we can take long breaks when we have to work and the game is waiting for us whenever we get back to it. Right where we left off.

When it's my turn I get a do-dot-tu-do Kim played "gull" for 9 points! on my phone and then I can play. I tap my lettered tiles onto the playing board and the computer checks it and if it's a valid word it calculates the double letters and triple words and what not,  I get the points and Kim's phone goes do-dot-tu-do... At times we have played this when we were actually sitting next to each other on the commuter bus. So while I was agonizing over a 5-letter word with a "k" in it - I could see her happily tapping away at another game she had going with Corleone and other games she had with other people - all at the same time.

Then something strange started happening. She started winning points with random non-words. The software must be flawed! How could it allow "ae" as a word? "ghi"? "za" That's not a word! But I was polite and new to the game, and Kim was happy and I was just glad to be part of her online circle of friends - so I tried to be a good sport about it. But it got worse. She beat me again and again and I started to lose my cool about it.

As the dark cloud of losing started to engulf me I got more and more surly. After one of her three-letter non-words scored her 60 points (if you don't play Scrabble - take my word for it - thats a lot of points) I said "are you just randomly trying letters until the computer accepts a word?" She replied "no, someone played that word against me yesterday."

"Was it that Corleone guy?"

"Yes! He is so good! He beats me every time. No matter what I play -- he immediately answers with some dramatically high-scoring word. I can never beat him! He is the best player in the world!"(okay - I made that last one up - but she may as well have said that)

This leads us to last night... here is my accounting of the events.

I challenged her to a re-match at lunch time yesterday.


do-dot-tu-do "Bryan Challenges you to a re-match" 

We got started, paused while we went back to work, and then resumed during our commute home. Things were not going well for me (again). I was falling further and further behind her. On the bus I was frowning and rolling my eyes at her silly words and huffing and shifting in my seat - and after dinner (during which her phone rang out do-dot-tu-do a few times) we eventually squared off to finish the game in our living room. Each with our iPhone clutched in our hand. Me with a scowl and her gleefully playing 3 games at once with her other online friends.

(note - Words with Friends saves your games into an archive. I can call up past games on my phone and see exactly what was played. The transcript of what I am about to describe is verifiable through the archive that is on my phone in front of me right now - as I am writing this).

Against all odds - the game is actually getting close as we come down the final stretch. I played "taxer" and "zesty" to take the lead (if you don't play Scrabble - 'x' and 'z' are worth a lot of points). So we pick up the action at this point...

do-dot-tu-do Kim plays "qua" for 50 points! (and the "a" is next to my "z" making the additional non-word "za" - for which she gets double-credit)

me: That's crap! Qua and Za are not words. This game is broken! It shouldn't have let you play that!

Kim: Qua and Za are both words. Corleone used both of them on me yesterday and I looked them up. (she showed me and they are middle-english words or some such shit that must be legal in this game)

me: Middle English doesn't count. You have to play modern English words!

Kim: We are playing this game and these rules. If you want to invent your own game - then go make up whatever rules you want to and I might play that game, too.

Frustrated, I play some lame word for 6 or 8 points.

do-dot-tu-do Kim plays "ae" for 35 points.


me: ae??? ae??? Use that in a sentence!


Kim: "Who'll be havin' some pints of Ale and some grog? Ae will! And ae! Ae!


me: Pirate? we are allowing Pirate words now? Besides - it's spelled Aye - not Ae!

Kim: Ae is the scottish spelling. I looked it up after Corleone used it.

me: Oh, I see. The Scottish Pirates. um hmm.


me: That does it. I'm only going to play this game with you if we can agree that we will only use words that we have actually used in real life during the past 5 years!

Kim: That's not fair! You are always looking up words when you write in your blog. You know more words than me and I won't be able to win! You said 'calliope' the other day at the amusement park. Who actually says the word 'calliope' when they are having a conversation?

At this point the game starts to grind. She is taking longer to make her play and she is getting grumpy.

then...

do-dot-tu-do Kim plays 'fain' for 32 points


me: Really?

Kim: I've used that word in the last 5 years.

me: Use it in a sentence.

Kim: You said '... used the word in the last 5 years' not - ... use the word today, in a sentence! I'm sure I read it in a Shakespeare book or something.

me: oh, bullshit! you are making that up.

Kim: This game used to give me joy. Now you are taking that away. I don't think I want to play with you anymore.

I add 't' and make it 'faint' for piddly points since she got all the bonus on her turn.

do-dot-tu-do Bryan plays 'faint' for 9 points!

me: (she looks down at her phone, apparently ignoring me while I continue to rant) So, you don't want to play with me because I'm not as fun as your other friends? Do you all gather into a secret online chat room and regale each other with your made up words:

 "Fain Ae Qua"
lol <smiley face> lmao
"Za ghi!! Za ghi!"...

like a bunch of Trekkies telling made-up Klingon jokes to each other?

do-dot-tu-do Kim plays "regale" for 46 points!


A few turns later she finished me off. 343-371. 'oi' was her last play, sandwiched between some other words for extra bonus triple points. 'oi'- as in "aussie! aussie! aussie! -  oi! oi! oi!" (the local equivalent of U-S-A! U-S-A!...)

So that was last night. Now here we are tonight...

As I came back to the third-bedroom-office to write this blog, I left Kim in the living room. Playing her Words With Friends with three simultaneous opponents. One of them was Corleone (of course). She was smiling and happy and the joy had returned.

Who is this Corleone? Her online friend and mentor. The Don of the chat room who has consumed the attention of my Kim. A flashy ninja of words who, quickly, and without any apparent effort, slings his letters into masterful words that score the most Scrabble points possible! He mocks me and makes me look old and feeble and a poor loser whose best effort only comes up with simple words like box, and zero, and axe.


He must be in North America because last night Kim's phone woke us up at 3:00 am  do-dot-tu-do Corleone played xxxx for a million points!


My dear readers, he is a Fraud! I've uncovered the truth about Corleone - and now I write the words that will pull open the curtain and expose the fraud for what he is! And return myself to the rightful place as the dominant male in Kim's life.

You see, I am currently on the "app store" web site where they sell the version of Words With Friends for $2.99. It appears that there is a second page of Words With Friends games. The second page includes, for an additional 99 cents,  "Cheat" versions of the game that will automatically calculate where you can play your letters to get the highest score! And the "Cheat" version knows all of the non-words that will find their way through the flaws and loopholes and middle English of the Words with Friends software!

The great Corleone is some pimple-faced Vincent * who spent $3.99 from his Christmas-presentt iTunes gift card to load the cheat version of Words With Friends onto his mom's iPhone!  Bruahhhh ha ha ha haaaa! Bruahhh ha ha ha haaaa!

* Seinfeld Reference

Tasmanian Devil

I tried to get this video on the original blog about our vacation - but we had trouble uploading it to blogspot. Then, today, I realized that there was another option... Barry Lyon is my brother-in-law and he visited us many months ago in KC. While he was there he logged onto his YouTube account on my mac to show me a Baltimore gansta "kill da snitches" video. Then he left. But he forgot to log out of his YouTube account. Even though my mac has traveled thousands of miles - it's still logged on - so now LyonBarry has one of my favorite vacation videos on his youtube page.

On the drive to the wildlife park in Tasmania our guide told us that Tasmanian Devils have jaws that are more powerful than a great white shark (or something like that). They use the power to feast on chewed up bones and teeth of dead animals that they stumble onto in the wild. So, he warned us, "do not stick your fingers down into the pen or they might get chewed off". I tossed some kangaroo food at a cute little devil and Kim breathlessly scolded me "you are not supposed to do that". Anyway - you can watch it all on this video. Turn up the sound just a little... Thanks Barry. Sorry about your Ducks losing tonight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvYQS_6xrEI

And here is a video for Kim's family and fans. Even though this one ran away - that was just bad camera work by me. Most of them enjoyed the petting and scratching their chins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jz9R9uTFJAg

Holiday Trip to New Zealand

We've taken a bit of a break from the blog - Kim is trying to get things started back up and has taken the initiative of putting together the day-to-day log of our holiday trip to Tasmania and New Zealand. (I’ve added comments in Blue).

**********************************************************************************

I know the family is especially interested in the details of our trip and the places we explored, so here is our itinerary along with a few pictures and the highlights of each place. 

Day (-5) through (-2) - Sydney

Ken and Beth arrived in Sydney on Dec 17th.  Actually, it was supposed to be the 16th... but Ken booked their travel.

He saved $200 by booking a trip through Sydney to Auckland assuming he could simply jump off of the plane with his 7 bags in Sydney and no one would notice. It doesn’t work that way. They had to sit in Sydney for 5 hours, fly 3+ hours on to Auckland, pay for a hotel room, buy the cheapest available ticket back to Sydney, fly 3+ hours back to Sydney the following day, plus got whacked for $200+ in excess baggage fees. His attempt to save $200 ended up costing him an extra $1,000. My travel agent is Liane (a blog follower) and she would never let me screw up like that!

We spent the weekend doing a tour of the Northern Beaches (see also Bucket List) and then exploring central Sydney.  We went to The Rocks (the famous pub district) for drinks and lunch, and then walked the Harbour Bridge to the lookout point. 

Day (-1) - Sydney

Went to see the Nutcracker ballet at the Opera House.  Can't say Bryan was excited about this activity, but it was a good excuse to spend happy hour at the famous Opera Bar and to see a performance at the Opera House. 

Ken had extra tickets to the Nutcracker and we couldn’t give them away. He spotted two couples at the ticket window trying to buy some and walked over to give them his extra tickets. Two nice Indian couples from South Africa. They were very, very happy. They had tried to buy tickets on eBay for 2x the price and couldn’t get any. They were at the window pleading to be put on a last-minute waiting list in case tickets came available – when Ken saved the day.

Day 0 - board holiday cruise

We spent all morning packing for our two week adventure.  Together the four of us had 10 suitcases and we had a hard time finding a taxi that could fit all of us and take us to the ship! The boarding process was extremely fast and easy and we were soon drinking a beer by the pool waiting to set sail!

Day 1 - at sea

Did a lot of reading and attended a Wine tasting on the ship.

Ken is the outgoing one and brings a lot of fun with him and made a lot of friends on the ship. He is good to have around in those situations. He can engage in any conversation with anyone.

Day 2 - Melbourne, Australia

Our first port of call was Melbourne.  We had already been there for work so we just had lunch and shopped a little. Melbourne is a lot like… hmm… say any mid-sized city in the USA. But with a stinky brown river running through the middle of it. I feel sorry for anyone who would fly 24 hours to visit there. I’m sure it’s a really nice place. But there are lots of really nice places that are a lot easier to get to.

Day 3 - at sea

Relaxed by the pool, slept, watched movies, read, ate, drank wine - these became our "must dos" each sea day! She forgot to mention that it was Christmas day. I got sunburn. Awesome!

The best part about the Princess cruise ship was the "Movies under the stars".  Movies were shown on the big screen by the pool during the day and at night.  At night they put out blankets and pillows on the deck chairs. We really enjoyed this and went multiple times.

Day 4 - Tasmania, Australia

Visited a wildlife sanctuary with kangaroos, koalas, and Tasmanian devils.  Definitely the most fun excursion we did.  We got to spend a lot of time feeding and petting the kangaroos.  They like to be scratched under their chin.

On the tour bus back to the ship we ran into the Nutcracker Indian couples from South Africa. What a coincidence! They were on our cruise AND the same tour bus we were on. Since there are probably 30 different tours it was remarkable that we even saw them. Ken chatted. They called him “their savior”. I sat in my seat and nodded and smiled a couple of times. I didn’t want to spend any effort being friendly to people I’d never see again in my life.

A couple of people from work and my mom have asked me “what’s it like in Tazmania?  Is it primitive? Animals and Aborigines?” I didn’t know what to expect either. I wish I could just make something up at this point. Hobart is probably similar to towns in, say, Ireland – but without the really old shit. It’s not primitive. Two and a Half men is on TV multiple times a day. And South Park/Simpsons/Family Guy/etc. Lots of ordinary white people listening to US classic rock music wherever we went.

Day 5 and Day 6 - at sea

Had a relaxing day at sea.  The evening entertainment was the highlight of these two days.  Went to see the musical act of Trevor Night (an Australian John Denver) who performed all of the John Denver classics and our favorites! He and John Denver were friends back in the 60’s and he is able to play and sing the songs they way we are used to hearing them.

At dinner on both nights we ran into the nice Indian couples from South Africa. What a coincidence! They were on our cruise AND the same tour bus we were on and ate in our same dining room at the same time we did (different times each night). Since there are seven formal dining rooms on the ship and you can go whenever you want to - it was remarkable that we even saw them. Ken chatted. They joked about us following them. I sat in my seat and nodded and smiled a couple of times. I didn’t want to spend any effort being friendly to people I’d never see again in my life.

Day 7 - scenic cruising in Fiordlands National Park, New Zealand

Didn't get off the ship, but we sailed through the sounds of the Fiordlands National Park.  Beautiful scenery with lots of green mountains, waterfalls, and a bit of wildlife.  This was what you expect New Zealand to look like.  Beth was the best photographer of our group.  She just sent us her link to her pictures, so we’ll plan to post some in a future blog.

This would be a good place to discuss the logistics of our day-to-day stuff on the ship (not much happened on day 7 and Ken won’t read this far into the blog so he won’t be upset).

 Ken and Beth had a cabin two doors down from ours. We usually didn’t do breakfast together – but we always did dinner and got off the ship together. So we’d arrange a meeting time – “I’ll knock on your door at 7:00 and we’ll go to dinner” “Let’s get off the ship at 8:00 am”. It’s not like the appointments were rigid because the schedule was pretty loose. But let’s say in the 14 days we were on the trip we made a “let’s do this at xx” deal 20 times. Of those 20 times – Ken was ready exactly one time (plus one disputed where I said “I need 10 more minutes – but then after 10 minutes he still wasn’t ready). When I knocked on his door around the designated time – there would be one of 4 reasons he wasn’t ready:

1. Sitting on the toilet.
2. Naked, wrapped in a towel, or otherwise peering around the door with a sheepish, apologetic plea “need more time…”.
3. Asleep (even at 7:00 pm).
4. Asleep but faking that he was just running behind. This was the funniest. We knock, and through the door we hear an “oh shit” - sheets rustling and them scurrying out of bed knocking into things in their cabin. I can still picture Ken peering around the door with his bleary eyes and nappy hair saying “we said 6:30!”. It was 6:35. We didn’t really care what time we did any of this stuff because it didn’t matter. We just thought it was admirable how he diligently kept committing to a time. Beth is a saint for trying to keep him on task – that is not an easy job for a free spirit like him.

There was one time I just wasn’t ready – and not even close. Probably a number 3. He got fussy and said, “When I’m late it’s just me being me. When you’re late it’s for spite”.

Day 8 - Dunedin, New Zealand

Hired a taxi driver to take us around for the day.  Explored beaches, farmland, Larnarch castle, the world's steepest street (seriously, it is documented in the Guinness Book of World Records), and ended with the Cadbury chocolate factory tour!

Shortly before we arrived in Dunedin Ken watched a documentary about a possum problem they have in New Zealand. The varmits are out of control and taking over the wildlife of the island. He asked the Taxi driver about it. At one point we saw some road kill. Ken said, “look, there’s one! It’s a possum!” The driver said, “a deed he jog”. Ken said “huh?” Driver said, “he jog”. Ken said “and that is….?” I said, “It’s not a possum – it’s a dead hedge hog ”.

Day 9 - Christchurch, New Zealand

Walked around the city, stopped for a pub lunch and then went shopping.  It was really great traveling with Ken and Beth as we were always in synch on what we like to do. 

The pub we stopped in for lunch was not in the main “town square” – it was a few blocks away. Yep. Shit you not – there we ran into the Indian couples again. Now I’m committed to remaining in my seat, nodding, smiling – making minimal effort to be friendly while Ken yucked it up with them.

Day 10 - at sea (New Year's Day)

More sleeping, movies, reading, food, wine, etc......

Day 11 - Tauranga, New Zealand

Spent the day in the port town close to the beach.  We took a long walk around the volcano and were able to eat lunch at a place showing the Rose Bowl football game.  

When we stepped off of the ship and asked for directions on where we could watch American Football – she said “go two blocks that way and turn left at the Burger King”. Burger King? Really? Even here, in the middle of nowhere?

Day 12 - arrive in Auckland, New Zealand

Getting off the ship was also extremely easy and fast - and as a bonus we docked right next to the Hilton where we were staying.  We took the ferry to Devonport for breakfast (beach town similar to Manly) and did some exploring.  Then did a city sightseeing bus tour to explore Auckland.  The city is similar to but much smaller than Sydney.  It was okay, but we definitely like Sydney a lot better!

Part of our normal routine is to get on one of those “hop on / hop off” tour busses and do a lap around the city and pick out what we want to do then go back there later. This trip was kind of boring so we decided to jump off about 3 stops short of the end. There were about 14 stops in total and we could have gotten off at any one of them. As God is my witness – there they were, the nutcrackers. Getting ready to buy tickets to get on the bus. Ken gave them ours since they were still good for the rest of the day. I smiled and nodded and handed my ticket to one of them. It’s the closest thing to a friendly interaction that I had with them. Through all of these chance encounters Ken is now on a first-name basis with them. They are staying at a hotel across town. I’m still convinced that this is the last time I will ever see these people. Yet again, I was wrong…

Day 13 - Auckland, New Zealand

We fulfilled one of Bryan's secret dreams to explore sailing.  We participated in the America's Cup Sailing Experience on one of the boats that was in the race in the 90's.  Bryan was able to be a “grinder” in the crew and crank the sails up.

There were 8 people working the grinders. It felt like 7 of them were posing for photos and one of us was actually cranking the sail up the mast. Much more work that I planned to do that day. Kim has pictures - but they are not flattering. 

Walked past 20 restaurants near our hotel to find a particular one we were looking for. We had booked a table at 7:00. There are only 6 people in the restaurant when we arrive. 2 strangers and… Brandon, can I get a drum roll please, Ken’s Nutcracker Friends. At this point they had become so close to Ken that they had a lot to catch up about. What they did that day. Latest news from home. Plans for their next vacation (they actually invited us to all come along with them to some mosquito infested third-world island somewhere.  I don’t remember the name but I’m sure they have Burger King and Two and a Half Men wherever it is). All of this extended interaction made it even that much more uncomfortable for me to sit and nod with a stupid grin on my face.

Day 14 - fly home to Sydney

The place is empty and lonely without Ken and Beth here.

Bucket List

Bryan needed to take a break, so this is Kim today.  I know, it won't be as funny - but don't worry I'll make sure he is back after the holidays!

Bryan does not have an official bucket list, but if he did I am sure what we did last weekend would be on it.  Back in the 60's (when I wasn't even born yet), he has told me that he got up early every Saturday morning to watch Skippy the Bush Kangaroo.  The TV show is still on over here, so I've gotten to see a few episodes.  It is like Flipper, but with a kangaroo instead of a dolphin.

We went on a tour of the Northern Beaches of Sydney with Ken and Beth this weekend.  Bryan made a special request of the tour guide to take us to where they filmed the show.  Bryan was very excited to see the ranger station and the place where they landed the helicopter.  Unfortunately, this was all we found when we got there.

We are leaving for our cruise today and will be off line for the next few weeks.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!  Check back in mid-January for the next round of blogs.

My Critic

Kim always reads the blogs before they get posted. She reviews and sometimes censors them to make sure they are appropriate for everyone - no bad words and limited potty-humor. We had lunch this week and she took her role to a new level. I thought I'd share our lunch conversation with you. Also thought I'd experiment with a new medium...

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8096325/