The Great Race Part I

We live 5.25 miles – um, I mean 8.5 km, from the office. We are on a peninsula in an area called the Northern Beaches that is served by a 4-lane road that crosses a drawbridge – called “The Spit Bridge”. Commuters in North Sydney fall into one of four categories – 1. Walk to work (not many of these). 2. on the Rail Line (which runs many miles to the north of town),  3. “on this side of the Spit Bridge”, 4. “oh, the other side of the Spit Bridge”. Cab drivers don’t like to go to the “other side of the Spit Bridge” because they might get stuck on the other side for hours. In case of an accident or stalled car or the bridge needs to open to let someone’s yacht pass through - traffic will instantly back up.  Some of you will take the 14-hour flight from California to visit – and your first experience in Sydney after wobbling off the plane will be taking the drive out to our peninsula. Sorry about that. Pee before you leave the terminal – you don’t know how long it will be until your next opportunity. Ask Ken and Beth about that.

Kim prefers to commute to work by bus. There is an “express” bus that leaves from our neighborhood and drops off about 500 meters from the office. Since we are the first stop each way – we can almost always get a seat. Usually we can sit together – but not always. The bus takes between 25 and 50 minutes to go 5 miles. It depends on traffic and the draw bridge.

I prefer to commute by Fast Ferry (non-government - privately operated), but there is an inherent flaw to this because the Ferry doesn’t go to North Sydney – it goes to the Central Business District (where the Opera House is). To do this commute – I have to finish off the trip by getting across the harbor bridge to our office (about 1.5 miles total). There are 4 options:

1.      Take a train one stop, change to another train and go 2 stops to the office.

2.      Take a bus across the bridge.

3.      Taxi (about $15 to get across the bridge)

4.      Walk. It takes about 40 minutes.

The most common scenario for my Ferry commute is for me to do the Ferry/train/train in the morning and walk/Ferry in the evening. It’s downhill from our office to the Ferry – grab a cold brew and enjoy upper deck, 18 minute sail out to Manly. A couple of times I had luggage or it was raining and I took the cab option. Kim is kind of frugal and it drives her crazy that I may spend an additional $15 to take a cab across the bridge. I don’t do it very often – but she always makes sure to ask.

Kim ‘s reasons for taking the bus:

1.     It’s usually about 15 minutes faster “door to door”

2.     It’s $7 cheaper than Ferry/Train/Train and $3.50 cheaper than Walk/Ferry. (important note: we don’t own a car, don’t pay for gasoline, parking, insurance, maintenance, depreciation, license, taxes – so $7 one-way may sound like a lot to Kansas City car-commuters, but we are way ahead of the game financially when you factor it all in).

So, in summary, Kim has two reasons  - faster and cheaper.

Here are my reasons for NOT taking the bus:

1.      Frequently Crowded

2.      Frequently Hot

3.      My knees hit the seat in front of me, my ass hangs off of the edge and gets bumped by people walking by.

4.      May not be able to get seats together

5.      People cough and sneeze on you

6.      Vulnerable to Traffic Jams / draw bridge open. You never know how long the trip will take.

7.      SOMETIMES the bus arrives and leaves a couple of minutes early – so you ALWAYS have to arrive at the bus stop early just in case it’s one of those times (Kim frets over this every time since it happened to her once – so she has to get there at least 5 minutes early and stand in line).

8.      Uncertainty and nagging Guilt around whether I should give up my seat to a lady. Kim won’t allow me to unless she is pregnant or very, very old. It creates internal conflict for me. **

9.      Guys stand with their junk inches from my face. One pony-tail guy in particular gets on at the last stop on the peninsula so there are never seats left and he stands in the aisle facing sideways instead of facing forward like normal people are supposed to stand. He did this to me twice. If the bus swayed a little and he lost his balance just the slightest bit – his junk would smash into my right ear.

10.   Homeless people sleep at the bus stop.

11.   People smell bad and/or breathe puke breath after a hard night of partying at the beach and trying to get home.

12.   No coffee or beer allowed on the bus.

13.   Have to have a ticket before you get on or have exact change or make everyone mad by holding everything up.

14.   The bus stop is 100 meters further from our house than the wharf and you have to cross two streetlight crosswalks to get there.

And my reasons for taking the Ferry:

1.      Rarely full. Ferry’s are built for the extreme case, full passenger scenario because they can make more money during peak holidays and peak travel days. Our fast ferry is usually about 1/3 full to capacity.

2.      Outside seating, standing, walk around space is available.

3.      Serves Coffee in the morning – Beer in the afternoon. On Thursday and Friday  – beer is 2:1, the best price I’ve seen in all of Sydney.

4.      Pastry and FREE FRUIT in the morning.

5.      Flat screen TV’s showing the news or live sporting events.

6.      Free Wireless Internet access – you can actually do e-mails, blogs, and stock trades while commuting.

7.      The extra $3.50 per trip (over the bus) is a deterrent for drunks, homeless people, and people with kids (don’t get me wrong – kids are great, but not on my commute).

8.      No one is ever standing with their junk inches from your face.

9.      If the crew sees you coming  – they wave and smile and wait for you to get onboard before they leave (they have an extra boost they can do to make up time out on the open water).

10.   NEVER leaves early – so you can time your arrival just right and walk on without ever standing in a line or waiting.

11.   The trip always takes 18 minutes. Always. No stoplights, no crosswalks, no traffic jams.

12.   The ferry unloads on the evening beach in Manly. Why is this relevant? Because the topless sun worshipers move 3 blocks from the “ocean” beach (east facing) to the “harbor” beach (west facing) to catch the late sun.

13.   It’s a boat ride on the open water in the fresh air! I mean Come On! People come from the suburbs to Sydney on the weekend just so they can pay to ride the ferry around in circles going nowhere because it’s a fun thing to do. We can do this twice a day – every day! You may even see a whale or a shark or a seal.

One beautiful sunny morning I suggested we take the ferry – Kim said  “ blah blah blah the bus is faster blah blah”. So I went my way and she went hers. I walked directly on the ferry and it took off while she was still waiting at the  first. crosswalk stoplight. I went to the bar and upgraded my frequent ferry card for 10 more trips,  bought  coffee, grabbed a banana and kicked back in a big comfy chair.

Then I got an inspiration – she was still waiting in line for the bus in Manly and I could already see the opera house just in front of us.  With a little luck – I could actually beat her to the office. Then every time she says “blah blah blah the bus is faster” I can roll my eyes and say “no it’s not”.

I got off the ferry and faced the decision of how I was going to get across the bridge “screw it – I’m swinging for a 6 (a home run in cricket). I’m going to beat her AND I’m going to do it by walking across the bridge.  Wearing my long-sleeved shirt, Allan Edmunds executive shoes, and carrying my laptop bag. This will be a great victory - I’ll hurry into my office chair and flip on my laptop and squint at the screen with my work scowl going and when she gets there I’ll act like I’ve been there for a long time. When she accuses me of wasting $15 on a taxi – I’ll non-chalantly say “nope. It was such a nice day I decided to walk across the bridge”.

Excited to meet the challenge, I take off from Circular Quay, through the Rocks, up the steps, the “nurses walk”, more steps, the bridge steps two at time, onto the bridge (200 feet above where I started) and head north. I can see the office from here. I’ve got it made. She can’t be any further than Mosman by now.

Halfway across the bridge (just below where Oprah and her best friend Gale waited for the photo-shoot helicopter to re-fuel) “hmmm… in the north east morning the sun (the sun is to the north down under) is pretty hot on this side of the bridge – this part is shady on my evening walks. I might be a little sweaty when I get there. I hope Kim doesn’t notice or it will blow my cover”.

The cool sea breeze helped me manage the sweat problem – except where they hung a big “O” light-up sign to welcome Oprah and it blocked the breeze (to this day it is still hanging up there and she left 6 weeks ago).

Off the bridge to Kirribilli – I text Kim “where r u” (hoping this doesn’t tip her off to the fact that we are, in fact, in a great race that she doesn’t know she is in. “neutral bay”. Ha! I’ve got her – I’m going to win this thing.

I get to the cross walk across the street from our building. It’s red. It won’t change. I see waves of people coming from the trains and the bus stop. Still red. More waves of people. I can make a mad dash – but the traffic is heavy. At this time of day the lights are optimized for the cars coming across the bridge from one side and the train / bus commuters walking from the other direction. A rogue commuter trying to break away from the crowd and invent a new commuting paradigm gets few green lights.

 She beat me. She was in one of those waves of people who I watched helplessly from across 8 lanes of traffic. I can see her desk when I get off the elevator and she was unpacking her laptop casually. At least she hadn’t figured out it was a race – or she would have quickly unpacked, put on her work scowl and acted like she had been there for awhile.  “Ha, if she doesn’t realize she was just in a race – then she also doesn’t realize that she won!”.

 When I got to my chair, I collapsed into it with a noisy, squish slurp sound from the sweat running down my back. When I went to get a cup of coffee she could see the stripe running down the back of my shirt. She thought that was hilarious. And then she realized why I sent her a text from Kiribilli and why my shirt was sweaty and that she just won a great race – because she knows me too well.

Ken, who has heard my point-by-point logic for Not taking the bus, e-mailed me this week. He said he noticed that in my Scrabble post I mentioned riding on the bus with Kim just last week. He thought that was interesting and wondered why I wasn’t taking the ferry. I’ll cover that in The Great Race Part II. Right now it’s Australia day and we need to get out to the beach for some fireworks.

** one morning we were on the bus and Jason, an American who works with us and also lives in Manly, was sitting directly behind us. This was the 7:40 express. The “last chance” bus for grumpy commuters who know they should have been on the 7:25 bus but overslept and now are going to be late to work. At one of the last stops off the peninsula a lady got on with her 10-year old daughter.  This never happens on the 7:40 rat race bus. I smelled trouble. Sure enough, they stood next to me because there were no seats left. Every time the bus swayed the slightest bit – the lady would gasp and flail and flop around like a French soccer player faking a knee injury. The hardcore commuters just turned up their iPods and ignored her. Not Jason the guilty American sitting behind me. He offered his seat to the lady and she took it (her daughter was left on her own to deal with the crazy bus tipping back and forth). I heard the lady whisper to her daughter “see, sometimes that happens”.