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The Continuing Adventures of Bryan and Kim
Monday, November 26, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Give it some gas!
A special note from Kim and Bryan… This will be the final
blog entry for our Australian Adventure.
We have enjoyed putting these together more than you can imagine.
Our time spent hovered at the computer and laughing at ourselves is among our
favorite memories.
bkozadventure recently surpassed 10,000 hits and we have
appreciated all of the comments (even though most of you are too bashful to
publish them for all to see…).
Our strong recommendation from this experience…
1. Do something
2. Write about it
1
Give it some gas...
I got my first mini-bike at age 6. That means I’ve been
around small engines for around 45 years. Mini-bike, motorcycles, lawn mowers,
chain saws, snow blowers… and now that we’ve taken up sailing as a hobby, the latest villain - outboard dingy motors.
I hate them and they hate me. I don’t know how to start
them. My dad knows how to start all engines – large and small. At age 17 I realized
that I wasn’t ever going to really “get it” – so I decided to learn computer
programming instead. That’s another story.
My dad is part of an entire generation of men who know how
to do these things and I represent the coming generations who don’t. My dad and
all of the other adult role models in my life share some of the blame/credit for how I turned out. I never
got past the first lesson. It usually goes something like this…
Me: approach the device and stare with dread
Adult: sitting in a lawn chair a few feet away “Don’t flood
it”.
Me: yank or kick or twist or pull whatever is used to start
it
Adult: “you gotta give it some gas”
In my life with computers “some” is not a word. There is no
such thing. How much is “some gas”?
Me: turn or twist or pull some gadget that “gives it some
gas”.
Yank or kick or twist or pull
whatever…
repeat about 3-4 times
Adult: Is the choke on? You have to choke it when it’s cold
Again – I need some
precision here… what is cold? Cold in engine terms isn’t the same as cold in people
terms. If I’m wearing a t-shirt on a sunny day but the engine hasn’t been
started yet – does that mean it’s cold?
Me: apply choke, yank/kick lacking enthusiasm because I know
the next sound I hear will be….
Adult: Now you flooded it!
Some of my readers will dismiss this as an exaggeration or
they may even claim that they have “… never had a problem starting a small
engine”. Let me just say that I remember the day that Cousin Virg got out of
the small engine business to focus on fireplaces and furniture. He was
transformed from a beaten-down grumpy shell of himself into a smiling, softball
playing, golfing, bowling, bundle of positive joy.
So why am I bringing this up now, you may be asking. Well,
there is a story…
Last month Kim and I chartered a sailing yacht for 6 days.
This was our second time doing it – the first time where the two of us would be
managing the boat on our own.
We picked up our sloop in Airlie Beach and Brendon was the
bloke who gave us our orientation, area briefing, and checked out our sailing
capabilities. We knew Brendon from our last charter with Tyler and Travis. He
has long stringy reddish blonde hair, a very thick aussie accent, and never
wears a shirt. We got through the process quickly and we were off to explore
the Whitsunday Islands.
On the second or third day we were alone, anchored in a
distant and isolated area and decided to take the dinghy over to a reef for a
bit of snorkeling. I climbed into the dinghy and sized up the outboard motor.
The old feelings of despair crept back into my mind – but I had some hope
because during our last charter my son, Travis, was responsible for starting
the dinghy each time and it always started on the first pull of the rope.
I gave it one sheepish tug – just to see.
Nothing.
The fuel tank was sitting on the bottom towards the front
and a rubber line ran between my feet back to the motor. There is a
squeeze-bulb in the line that will act as a pump to get the fuel out of the
tank and into the engine.
There was a placard with instructions attached so that any
dummy could start the motor.
Step I: If the engine is cold – apply the choke.
We are in the tropics and
the sun is out– I’m not cold. Does that mean the engine is not cold??
Step 2: Ensure the squeeze-bulb is firm
Firm? What is firm? Firm
like a ripe tomato? Firm like a baseball? I squeeze the bulb a little bit– but I
can hear a hundred voices in the back of my head “don’t flood it”. It feels
about as firm as a tangerine. Good enough.
Step 3: Twist the handle to give it gas.
I pulled on the rope over and over and nothing happened. I
squeezed the bulb and choked and un-choked and nothing happened and I pulled
and sweated and blistered and … nothing.
I would have given up – but the dinghy is an important part
of the safety equation. If the sailboat engine were to fail and the boat is
drifting into the rocks or out to sea – we learned that you lash the dinghy to
the side of the boat and one person steers the boat while the other “pushes” it
along with the dinghy. I would sleep better if I knew that the dinghy was in
working order.
We were very alone at this point. No other boats in sight.
But in the distance I heard a high-pitched engine sound. Over a few minutes I
could hear that it was getting closer. I didn’t really look up from what I was
doing until the boat pulled up beside me.
“Did yu’s give it sum gas?”.
It was Brendon! He had been called out to help another boat
in trouble and stopped by to say hello. Now he was sitting in his boat playing
the role of adult in lawn chair. His crazy hair, accent, and suntan was a dramatic visual contrast to
memories of my Dad, grandpa Don, Uncles Bob, Don, and Mike- who had all played
the lawn chair role in the past.
But his lines were the same… “Na-ow I thing yu’s fla-oded it,
mayte.” Right on cue.
I had heard the radio traffic and I knew his other mission
was more urgent – so I told him that I would figure it out and he could
continue on his way.
I did eventually get it started. At one point I was pumping
the squeeze bulb with one hand and fluttering the choke with the other hand and
screaming invented, pleading, curse words while the engine sputtered and slowly came to life.
That night I was remembering the incident with Brendon and
started thinking about how I might write about it in my blog… and that would be
the end of this. But I was blessed with a final epilog…
At the end of our charter we returned the boat to Airlie
beach. One of Brendon’s colleagues named Patrick met us and helped get us
checked in. One of his tasks is to top of the fuel tanks. We tied up our sloop
at the fuel dock and Patrick hopped in the dinghy because he was going to take
it to a different area where they stored the dinghy gas.
I saw him doing the
ritual… squeeze bulb firm, choke on, blah blah blah. I told him “It’s a bit fussy – but
it will start eventually… be sure to give it some gas!” Evil laugh...
I left the area with
a bag of garbage that needed to be dumped. I returned a few minutes later and I
saw Patrick still in the Dinghy, sweating, pulling, adjusting.
As I walked by and never broke stride. I couldn’t keep a
straight face as I offered my insight to Patrick- “Now you’ve flooded it”.
He gave up. Never got it started and didn’t charge us for
any gas.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
In search of our Endless Summer
When we arrived in Australia in 2010 we were taking a chance on an adventure and we had no idea where the journey was going to take us. Now that it is time to leave - we can reflect on all of the things that have happened to us during our time in Australia.
The places to go and things to see and do are well documented in guidebooks - but it is especially the people we met along the way that will stay with us.
We will soon be off on our next adventure. When we got here we had no idea what we would be leaving behind...
We hope you enjoy sharing our special video memories.
The video is further proof that when you add music - everything in life seems much more interesting.
And, after watching, you may wonder... the answer is 'yes, we really have been drinking that much beer and wine!'
Endless Summer
The places to go and things to see and do are well documented in guidebooks - but it is especially the people we met along the way that will stay with us.
We will soon be off on our next adventure. When we got here we had no idea what we would be leaving behind...
We hope you enjoy sharing our special video memories.
The video is further proof that when you add music - everything in life seems much more interesting.
And, after watching, you may wonder... the answer is 'yes, we really have been drinking that much beer and wine!'
Endless Summer
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Daily Life in Oz III
A couple of weeks ago we were hanging out with an American who came to Sydney for a visit. He mentioned that he saw a neighbourhood park in Sydney and the play equipment caught his eye. The slides were extra tall, the swings were bigger, the bars were made out of old-fashioned, noggin knocking iron. He even stopped to play for a bit. He made the point that because Australians are not litigation-happy - there were still some last bastions of bold play adventure. In America everything would be low to the rubber-coated ground so no one could get injured and sue someone.
I thought about that and realised it was true and I started thinking about all of the ways our life here is just a little bit better than in the USA due to the lack of legal liability.
I rented (hired) a car at Avis once and the lady at the counter was confused about my questions about liability coverage. It is completely different here - they don't have the same notions we do about who is responsible to take care of who.
Another benefit we noticed... we recently moved from the beach apartment to a very urban, very small apartment that is a few blocks from the office. We are enjoying the convenience and we still go to the beach on the weekends.
Shortly after moving in, we realised that the apartment had bugs. The exterminator came and we walked through the place.
He rubbed his chin and said - "hmmmm.... these are German cockroaches. hmmmm.... they are tricky ones. Got any children here?"
Nope.
Any pets?
Nope.
Any health issues?
Nope.
Okay. Good. I've got just the stuff. Now step back a little. Don't worry - Health and Safety requires me to put on this space suit when I'm spraying - but you don't have to worry.
He hosed down the floor around the base boards and cabinets. When he got to the bedroom door he kind of paused and looked inside... then he looked at me... we had pulled the bed away from the wall because we didn't want the roaches leaping off of the wall and onto our pillow at night. He had seen this configuration before and knew what it meant.
His electronic voice activator punctuated his sentences like two scuba divers talking under water "cssssht - we don't usually spray this in the bedroom... cssssht".
I said "but we saw some in there".
"cssssht Okay. Then I'm going in csssshhht".
This is not some wimpy, all natural, good for the environment, ddt-free, USA stuff - this was the good stuff like they used back in the 1930's.
The next day German cockroaches were having spasms on our floor and we had to sweep up their bodies all over the place.
One application and this place is completely bug free. We are so happy. This bug spray is great. It should be legalised in the US. One application and no more bugs and we haven't really seen any side effects so far. We took this picture last night to memorialise our celebration at declaring the place free and clear!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Winning
As I've mentioned in other blogs - we have taken up sailing and I sail on a Sydney Harbor racing team on Friday nights. Kim joins us when the winds and seas are reasonable because she gets bruised easily when we get tossed around. She shows me each bruise every day until it is completely faded away. She even shows her mom the bruises on Skype. It makes me feel guilty. Her doctor is going to think I'm abusing her.
There are normally about 30 yachts in each race.
We both prefer casual "cruising" to racing - but the experience that we get in these sessions is priceless and will help us be better sailors as we pursue this after we leave Australia.
As a 50-y-o new guy - it is a humbling experience to be the dumbest guy on the crew. But Gene, our skipper, and David, first mate, have done their best to make me feel welcome and they involve me in tasks that are above my grade so that I can get the experience.
Early in my "training" I joined another crew in Melbourne for a race. The boat was different than any I was used to and the conditions were much more extreme than in the protected harbour. My friend Scott got us invited on the boat. Scott has no official training and we were both trying to stay out of the way. At one point the waves were crashing over the side of the boat and our boom had broached and the skipper shouted "Throw the Vang!!!!" Everyone was looking at Scott and me. We were just trying to stay out of the way and not get swept into the Tasman Sea. "Throw the Vang" everyone started shouting at once. I looked around, puzzled. I was able to figure out that "Vang" meant the Boom Vang. Then I was able to trace the sheet (fancy word for rope) to a line stopper and I happened to be the one located closest to the stopper.
I had never heard the term "throw" in this context - but, again, I was able to figure out that I needed to jerk the sheet out of the stopper to release tension... so I gave it a mighty tug with my wrist. Nothing. Most of my body was clutching onto something attached so I wouldn't fall off - so all I had left to invest in "throwing" was a girly flip of the wrist. Another tug. Nothing.
"Throw the F**king VANG:!!!!"the Skipper (not Gene) screamed at me.
With a 25 not wind full-on the large mainsail - it required all of my strength to eventually get the sheet "thrown". I lost my balance and fell onto the wet deck surrounded by our empty floating beer cans.
Humiliating experience.
During other races in Sydney Harbour we've experienced catastrophic equipment failure and even a collision - but this past Friday night we crossed the line first! It makes all of the humiliation and blisters and bruises and screaming worth it! We crossed the finish line first and turned to see 29 yachts chasing us with the sun setting behind them - it was a great moment that I will remember forever.
Here is a photo of the winning ceremony at the Manly Yacht Club after the race. David is sitting next to me. We won a bottle of wine. That is customary for Friday Night yacht racing. They race yachts worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and risk injury and sharks... all for a bottle of wine.
There are normally about 30 yachts in each race.
We both prefer casual "cruising" to racing - but the experience that we get in these sessions is priceless and will help us be better sailors as we pursue this after we leave Australia.
As a 50-y-o new guy - it is a humbling experience to be the dumbest guy on the crew. But Gene, our skipper, and David, first mate, have done their best to make me feel welcome and they involve me in tasks that are above my grade so that I can get the experience.
Early in my "training" I joined another crew in Melbourne for a race. The boat was different than any I was used to and the conditions were much more extreme than in the protected harbour. My friend Scott got us invited on the boat. Scott has no official training and we were both trying to stay out of the way. At one point the waves were crashing over the side of the boat and our boom had broached and the skipper shouted "Throw the Vang!!!!" Everyone was looking at Scott and me. We were just trying to stay out of the way and not get swept into the Tasman Sea. "Throw the Vang" everyone started shouting at once. I looked around, puzzled. I was able to figure out that "Vang" meant the Boom Vang. Then I was able to trace the sheet (fancy word for rope) to a line stopper and I happened to be the one located closest to the stopper.
I had never heard the term "throw" in this context - but, again, I was able to figure out that I needed to jerk the sheet out of the stopper to release tension... so I gave it a mighty tug with my wrist. Nothing. Most of my body was clutching onto something attached so I wouldn't fall off - so all I had left to invest in "throwing" was a girly flip of the wrist. Another tug. Nothing.
"Throw the F**king VANG:!!!!"the Skipper (not Gene) screamed at me.
With a 25 not wind full-on the large mainsail - it required all of my strength to eventually get the sheet "thrown". I lost my balance and fell onto the wet deck surrounded by our empty floating beer cans.
Humiliating experience.
During other races in Sydney Harbour we've experienced catastrophic equipment failure and even a collision - but this past Friday night we crossed the line first! It makes all of the humiliation and blisters and bruises and screaming worth it! We crossed the finish line first and turned to see 29 yachts chasing us with the sun setting behind them - it was a great moment that I will remember forever.
Here is a photo of the winning ceremony at the Manly Yacht Club after the race. David is sitting next to me. We won a bottle of wine. That is customary for Friday Night yacht racing. They race yachts worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and risk injury and sharks... all for a bottle of wine.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Shared photo book from laurie
Click here to view this photo book larger
Shutterfly offers exclusive photobook layouts so you can make your book just the way you want.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Free Yogurt in the Commonwealth
In my October 26 posting I made an observation about how giving out free samples was an American phenomenon that you don't see very often in other places. And when attempted - unintended consequences can result.
One morning while we were living in London we encountered a yogurt giveaway on the street corner. There were big barrels of iced down yogurt and someone handed one to Kim. The label looked like someone had printed them off in their garage. She smiled and got excited about the free breakfast. I've never once seen her eat yogurt. Not for breakfast, lunch, snack, or dinner - but she was smiling from ear to ear about it.
I made her throw it away.
"Dear, those people could be terrorists giving away virus-contaminated yogurt and these Brits who are rushing to grab some will be ground zero for a global outbreak". Some of the people around us were ripping the lids off and slurping down the stuff with flimsy plastic spoons right there on the street.
I had forgotten about that story until this morning...
We took the train to work (too hot to walk across the bridge with my computer). As we rode the escalator up to street level - I noticed a problem in front of us near the top. Instead of people filing off the escalator and flowing out into the street - there was a clog. And the escalator was continuing at normal speed and propelling us all into a growing crowd of people who were getting mashed together in an awkward smash up. We were able to avoid the core of the clog and skirt the crowd with some degree of dignity. As we passed by - I noticed the same familiar barrels of iced down yogurt and a collage of arms and hands clawing to get free jumbo-sized samples and flimsy plastic spoons. I laughed and reminded Kim that she isn't allowed to take any.
When I arrived at the office I went to the break room for coffee. I ran into Angelo - one of our Australian Associates. He had just finished off one jumbo container of yogurt - and was opening his second. He had Four in total. He was proud of his haul and it looked to me like he planned to eat all four in one sitting.
If I come down with a mysterious virus - seek out Angelo as the prime carrier.
I realized that this may be material for the blog - so I went back a few minutes later with my iPhone to take a picture of Angelo and his yogurt. But he had already finished and I would have to dig the empties out of the rubbish bin.
One morning while we were living in London we encountered a yogurt giveaway on the street corner. There were big barrels of iced down yogurt and someone handed one to Kim. The label looked like someone had printed them off in their garage. She smiled and got excited about the free breakfast. I've never once seen her eat yogurt. Not for breakfast, lunch, snack, or dinner - but she was smiling from ear to ear about it.
I made her throw it away.
"Dear, those people could be terrorists giving away virus-contaminated yogurt and these Brits who are rushing to grab some will be ground zero for a global outbreak". Some of the people around us were ripping the lids off and slurping down the stuff with flimsy plastic spoons right there on the street.
I had forgotten about that story until this morning...
We took the train to work (too hot to walk across the bridge with my computer). As we rode the escalator up to street level - I noticed a problem in front of us near the top. Instead of people filing off the escalator and flowing out into the street - there was a clog. And the escalator was continuing at normal speed and propelling us all into a growing crowd of people who were getting mashed together in an awkward smash up. We were able to avoid the core of the clog and skirt the crowd with some degree of dignity. As we passed by - I noticed the same familiar barrels of iced down yogurt and a collage of arms and hands clawing to get free jumbo-sized samples and flimsy plastic spoons. I laughed and reminded Kim that she isn't allowed to take any.
When I arrived at the office I went to the break room for coffee. I ran into Angelo - one of our Australian Associates. He had just finished off one jumbo container of yogurt - and was opening his second. He had Four in total. He was proud of his haul and it looked to me like he planned to eat all four in one sitting.
If I come down with a mysterious virus - seek out Angelo as the prime carrier.
I realized that this may be material for the blog - so I went back a few minutes later with my iPhone to take a picture of Angelo and his yogurt. But he had already finished and I would have to dig the empties out of the rubbish bin.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Into the Mystic
My sons came for a visit to Australia. They just left today.
A couple of months ago, Kim and I attended the annual boat show in Sydney and were intrigued by the opportunity to charter a sail boat and explore some of the Whitsunday Islands at the southern tip of the Great Barrier Reef in Queensland. We decided that it would be a great way to spend some time with Tyler and Travis while they were here so we booked a large yacht (Catalina 445 - a 45-foot sloop) and made arrangements for a skipper to come along - since neither of us had ever sailed before.
In the 60 days or so that we had to prepare for the trip we decided to get some formal training so that we could make the most of the trip. We took a crash course that included an overnight trip (slept on the boat), Friday night racing, and Saturday afternoon lessons in Sydney Harbour.
On the big day - the four of us arrived in the Whitsundays to find perfect weather - but there was one hitch... Our "arrangements" for a skipper had not been noticed and they had to find a last-minute substitute.
The guy we got was kind of a nervous and spastic sort of fellow. Not the typical image you might have of a highly trained professional who would captain a 45-foot yacht for 6 days through treacherous reefs, sharks, etc.
But he had a very helpful first mate who held things together:
The crew had zero experience - but by the end of the first day they could tack, jibe, and trim sails like experts.
We hope you enjoy the video link below. Kim and I get teary-eyed every time we watch it - but we understand if you giggle at some of the clunky editing and cheesy sentimentality. We don't apologize.
My sincerest thanks to Van Morrison and the Zac Brown Band for creating the music and a special thank you to the late Steve Jobs for having the vision to create the tools to let me put this together in a few hours with just an iPhone and an iMac!
Important notice - YouTube would not allow my video since it has music attached... So I'm trying something that may be slow and unreliable... please be patient. Grandma's, Moms, and Aunts will find it worth the wait...
A new fast link to the video
A couple of months ago, Kim and I attended the annual boat show in Sydney and were intrigued by the opportunity to charter a sail boat and explore some of the Whitsunday Islands at the southern tip of the Great Barrier Reef in Queensland. We decided that it would be a great way to spend some time with Tyler and Travis while they were here so we booked a large yacht (Catalina 445 - a 45-foot sloop) and made arrangements for a skipper to come along - since neither of us had ever sailed before.
In the 60 days or so that we had to prepare for the trip we decided to get some formal training so that we could make the most of the trip. We took a crash course that included an overnight trip (slept on the boat), Friday night racing, and Saturday afternoon lessons in Sydney Harbour.
On the big day - the four of us arrived in the Whitsundays to find perfect weather - but there was one hitch... Our "arrangements" for a skipper had not been noticed and they had to find a last-minute substitute.
The guy we got was kind of a nervous and spastic sort of fellow. Not the typical image you might have of a highly trained professional who would captain a 45-foot yacht for 6 days through treacherous reefs, sharks, etc.
But he had a very helpful first mate who held things together:
The crew had zero experience - but by the end of the first day they could tack, jibe, and trim sails like experts.
We hope you enjoy the video link below. Kim and I get teary-eyed every time we watch it - but we understand if you giggle at some of the clunky editing and cheesy sentimentality. We don't apologize.
My sincerest thanks to Van Morrison and the Zac Brown Band for creating the music and a special thank you to the late Steve Jobs for having the vision to create the tools to let me put this together in a few hours with just an iPhone and an iMac!
Important notice - YouTube would not allow my video since it has music attached... So I'm trying something that may be slow and unreliable... please be patient. Grandma's, Moms, and Aunts will find it worth the wait...
A new fast link to the video
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Daily Life in Oz II
We just survived Swooping Season in Sydney. It's a harrowing time of year when yet another Australian creature threatens us. Magpies are ugly black birds who will protect their babies by silently swooping out of the sky when you least expect it. If you are unlucky - you get pecked. A young boy got his eye poked out this year. When channel nine sent a reporter out to do the story - he got a bloody hole poked in the top of his head while on camera. I saw the whole thing on the TV news. After it happened they did a close-up view of his bloody hole in his scalp. I'm sure it's on you tube if you don't believe me. Kim and I got swooped once. Scared the shit out of me because he came from behind us silently. But no scratch or poke.
I was invited to join a yacht racing crew. We race on Friday evenings and I had my first yacht race last week. I'm the new guy on the team. Gene owns the boat and he is the skipper. I am excited to find an over-50 sport that I can participate in that embraces beer drinking and has minimal chance for injury. This is my 4th attempt after failing miserably at softball, bowling, and golf.
I learned that there is a wrong way to do every single thing on a boat and everyone is an expert on the right way to do it (except me). It doesn't matter what the sport is - I'm always going to be stuck in right field where I can do the least amount of damage. Until I buy my own boat and then I'll be the skipper!
How did we do? Did we win? Ummmm.... well... so here's the story. The race is handicapped. It starts at 6:00. Our boat is faster than many of them so we start at 6:12. When it is 5 minutes before your time you can sail into the staging area (behind the imaginary starting line). As we were in the staging area and our time was approaching - the Manly Ferry was pulling out of the wharf. the Manly Ferry is the size of a small cruise ship and it was positioned between us and the race officials who were sitting on shore (i.e. in the bar) keeping track of everything. Gene decided to use the cover of the Ferry and pulled in beside it to sneak across the line 5 seconds before his time. We later found out that he didn't fool anyone and they saw our mast or had a sneaky official on the other side or something. So we got penalized a minute and that put us from about 3rd(?) to about 12th(?). I don't care - because it wasn't my fault. That's all I care about.
The first 30 minutes of the race is downwind. So we set out a gib pole and did a broad reach towards the first mark in the distance (this means there isn't any pulling ropes, grinding winches, yelling at the new guy - just poofed out sails full of wind. The sweet sound of beers opening rang out before we were 50 meters past the starting line. This is Awesome!
The finish line is exciting and chaotic. Because the start is handicapped - all of the boats finish at the same time. The faster boats are coming up behind the slower ones and after a 90-minute race with 25-40 foot long yachts- the deciding margin is inches! That's one of the reasons everyone yells at you when you pull on the wrong rope halfway through the race - because even the slightest mistake will cost inches at the end.
This Friday Kim will join me on a different boat (Gene is out of town).
Now that the weather is getting nicer- we will be spending less time watching television. During the dark cold winter we kept up on American TV. All of our favorite shows are on here - just not always on the same day. Sometimes they come on a few days after they air in the US - sometimes a few weeks after. Since news programs and things like Entertainment Tonight have less of a delay we always find out who got voted off, or fired, or got engaged, or beat their head into a wall before the episode actually airs locally. Or we read about it on someone's FaceBook "I can't believe that Donald Trump fired so-and-so...".
There is one exception to the sitcom delay rule. There is one sitcom that has become so vital to the Australian audience that it is on mere hours after it airs on CBS in the USA. Two and a Half Men. Aussies love their Two and a Half Men. Now... is it just me?... we need Charlie Sheen back. Sitting through 30 minutes of the new set-up is torture! It's horrible. When I leave Australia - I'm threatening Kim that I'm going to find Charlie Sheen and get him to hire me to work on a new show for him. He will play himself a.k.a Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
There is another interesting business strategy that American TV producers employ. Very clever. The Mentalist is on many times a week in Australia. And there is a new show called "Unforgettable" that is highly promoted. Other mediocre shows that are high visibility here: Hawaii 5-0, Chuck, Body of Proof. These all have one thing in common. Can you guess? .... they all have Australian actors hiding their accents in major roles. Poppy ("Unforgettable") has a terrible American accent. A pretty good show - but you will notice now if you pay attention.
Australians all eat lunch at exactly the same time. It's funny to watch. Kim and I usually get to wherever we are going before 12:10. We can sit anywhere we want to. We can take our time ordering. It's a lunch time utopia for us. 5 minutes later - all hell breaks loose and all of the seats are full and the lines are long. Sometimes an Australian friend will ask us to go to lunch with them. When that happens our hearts sink because we want to be polite and accept the invitation - but they always refuse to break the mold (even if we ask them to) and we know we are destined to be wandering around a food court with a tray of food looking for a place to sit like a grade 10 loser who can't find a seat. I remember that feeling all too well and I don't appreciate going back there as an adult.
Random change of direction while I'm complaining about the locals.That reminds me of another annoying trait we've seen in the commonwealth. When we were in London they had just opened an American Food store (Whole Foods). It was new and quite an attraction for the upscale London crowd. Kim and I went there to buy our first groceries. I pushed a cart down every aisle and Kim didn't buy a single item. Not one. She couldn't force herself to pay $15 for a small bunch of grapes or $4 for a single apple. So we got nothing. But while I was standing with an empty cart - I saw a clash of culture. US meets the Commonwealth. From the back room I saw a young Indonesian (I think) employee being urged out to the floor where the customers were. He had a tray of free samples of cheese. His arms were covered in toothpick scrapes and he had some small tears in his shirt. He was terrified - but the more senior employees kind of shoved him out. Have you ever seen a mob of Brits go after a tray of free samples? It is hilarious. And dangerous. And frightening for the poor young guy who had to hold the tray. I'm sure they quit doing this for safety reasons - otherwise I would say it is worth a stopover in London to see it.
They love swooping cyclists
I was invited to join a yacht racing crew. We race on Friday evenings and I had my first yacht race last week. I'm the new guy on the team. Gene owns the boat and he is the skipper. I am excited to find an over-50 sport that I can participate in that embraces beer drinking and has minimal chance for injury. This is my 4th attempt after failing miserably at softball, bowling, and golf.
I learned that there is a wrong way to do every single thing on a boat and everyone is an expert on the right way to do it (except me). It doesn't matter what the sport is - I'm always going to be stuck in right field where I can do the least amount of damage. Until I buy my own boat and then I'll be the skipper!
How did we do? Did we win? Ummmm.... well... so here's the story. The race is handicapped. It starts at 6:00. Our boat is faster than many of them so we start at 6:12. When it is 5 minutes before your time you can sail into the staging area (behind the imaginary starting line). As we were in the staging area and our time was approaching - the Manly Ferry was pulling out of the wharf. the Manly Ferry is the size of a small cruise ship and it was positioned between us and the race officials who were sitting on shore (i.e. in the bar) keeping track of everything. Gene decided to use the cover of the Ferry and pulled in beside it to sneak across the line 5 seconds before his time. We later found out that he didn't fool anyone and they saw our mast or had a sneaky official on the other side or something. So we got penalized a minute and that put us from about 3rd(?) to about 12th(?). I don't care - because it wasn't my fault. That's all I care about.
The first 30 minutes of the race is downwind. So we set out a gib pole and did a broad reach towards the first mark in the distance (this means there isn't any pulling ropes, grinding winches, yelling at the new guy - just poofed out sails full of wind. The sweet sound of beers opening rang out before we were 50 meters past the starting line. This is Awesome!
The finish line is exciting and chaotic. Because the start is handicapped - all of the boats finish at the same time. The faster boats are coming up behind the slower ones and after a 90-minute race with 25-40 foot long yachts- the deciding margin is inches! That's one of the reasons everyone yells at you when you pull on the wrong rope halfway through the race - because even the slightest mistake will cost inches at the end.
This Friday Kim will join me on a different boat (Gene is out of town).
Now that the weather is getting nicer- we will be spending less time watching television. During the dark cold winter we kept up on American TV. All of our favorite shows are on here - just not always on the same day. Sometimes they come on a few days after they air in the US - sometimes a few weeks after. Since news programs and things like Entertainment Tonight have less of a delay we always find out who got voted off, or fired, or got engaged, or beat their head into a wall before the episode actually airs locally. Or we read about it on someone's FaceBook "I can't believe that Donald Trump fired so-and-so...".
There is one exception to the sitcom delay rule. There is one sitcom that has become so vital to the Australian audience that it is on mere hours after it airs on CBS in the USA. Two and a Half Men. Aussies love their Two and a Half Men. Now... is it just me?... we need Charlie Sheen back. Sitting through 30 minutes of the new set-up is torture! It's horrible. When I leave Australia - I'm threatening Kim that I'm going to find Charlie Sheen and get him to hire me to work on a new show for him. He will play himself a.k.a Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
There is another interesting business strategy that American TV producers employ. Very clever. The Mentalist is on many times a week in Australia. And there is a new show called "Unforgettable" that is highly promoted. Other mediocre shows that are high visibility here: Hawaii 5-0, Chuck, Body of Proof. These all have one thing in common. Can you guess? .... they all have Australian actors hiding their accents in major roles. Poppy ("Unforgettable") has a terrible American accent. A pretty good show - but you will notice now if you pay attention.
Australians all eat lunch at exactly the same time. It's funny to watch. Kim and I usually get to wherever we are going before 12:10. We can sit anywhere we want to. We can take our time ordering. It's a lunch time utopia for us. 5 minutes later - all hell breaks loose and all of the seats are full and the lines are long. Sometimes an Australian friend will ask us to go to lunch with them. When that happens our hearts sink because we want to be polite and accept the invitation - but they always refuse to break the mold (even if we ask them to) and we know we are destined to be wandering around a food court with a tray of food looking for a place to sit like a grade 10 loser who can't find a seat. I remember that feeling all too well and I don't appreciate going back there as an adult.
Random change of direction while I'm complaining about the locals.That reminds me of another annoying trait we've seen in the commonwealth. When we were in London they had just opened an American Food store (Whole Foods). It was new and quite an attraction for the upscale London crowd. Kim and I went there to buy our first groceries. I pushed a cart down every aisle and Kim didn't buy a single item. Not one. She couldn't force herself to pay $15 for a small bunch of grapes or $4 for a single apple. So we got nothing. But while I was standing with an empty cart - I saw a clash of culture. US meets the Commonwealth. From the back room I saw a young Indonesian (I think) employee being urged out to the floor where the customers were. He had a tray of free samples of cheese. His arms were covered in toothpick scrapes and he had some small tears in his shirt. He was terrified - but the more senior employees kind of shoved him out. Have you ever seen a mob of Brits go after a tray of free samples? It is hilarious. And dangerous. And frightening for the poor young guy who had to hold the tray. I'm sure they quit doing this for safety reasons - otherwise I would say it is worth a stopover in London to see it.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Alice Springs
We decided to get away from the crowds of the east coast and visit the outback. We spent the recent labour day weekend in Alice Springs, where we hired a tour guide and a Harley to explore the McDonnell ranges around the area.
We got to see stuff like this during our ride... (if you click on the photo you should see a bigger, better version... I couldn't fit it within this view)
We got to see stuff like this during our ride... (if you click on the photo you should see a bigger, better version... I couldn't fit it within this view)
Simpson's Gap
Standley Chasm
Eastern McDowells
Alice Springs is a really, really remote place in Northern Territories, Australia. By car - it would take 17 hours to drive to the next major city (Adelaide). On the way from the airport to our hotel I thought out loud "This may be as far as we will ever be from our actual home". It's about 10,000 miles from KC.
We were both kind of excited to have this unique opportunity to visit such a distant and exotic place - yet still "English speaking". Our taxi dropped us off at the hotel - and this is the first thing we saw as we stepped onto the ground in Alice Springs.... (scoll down for a dramatic reveal)
Seriously?
So I decided to make a mental note of the other familiar Brands from home that we encountered. In the first hour in Alice Springs I noticed Hallmark Cards and HR Block - both Kansas City companies. Then I stopped paying attention.
Here are some Video links of our adventures once we got outside of town:
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Daily Life in Oz
A few things to catch up on...
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Some friends invited us over to watch the AFL playoff game between the Hawthorne Hawks and the Collingwood Magpies. Kim took her iPhone with her on a trip to the bathroom. Aussie homes don't typically have abundant closet space.
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Some friends invited us over to watch the AFL playoff game between the Hawthorne Hawks and the Collingwood Magpies. Kim took her iPhone with her on a trip to the bathroom. Aussie homes don't typically have abundant closet space.
No closets - but they just opened a Costco!
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Some Aussie words that we find ourselves using a lot and may bring home with us:
Lift - easier to say than el-a-va-tor
Loo - simpler than "rest room, bathroom, men's room, powder room, toilet..."
Rubbish - replaces "garbage", "trash", and "bullshit".
Booking - replaces res-er-va-tion
Bill - instead of "can we have our check, please". Isn't it really a bill?
Capsicum (bell peppers) - simply calling them pepper isn't specific enough. Too many different "peppers" in the USA.
Decider (pronounced da-soi-dah! as in a proclamation of sporting drama and excitement "Tonight - it is the da-soi-dah!!) - Third Game in 2 out of three, Seventh game in best of Seven
Rank - where the taxis are lined up waiting for customers
Mossie - mos-qui-to
esky - cooler
stubbie - koozie
Mince - ground beef
Dodgy (always pre-fixed by "a bit" - as in "that neighbourhood looks a bit doo-jey") - replaces shady, sketchy, unreliable, suspect). Thanks to Lisa for the correct spelling stolen from her blog.
Holiday - replaces vacation
RBT (Random Breath Test) - DUI Checkpoint
Wanker - asshole
Common Aussie / phrases words that we refuse to use:
Bloody Hell
Mate (can mean "friend" or "dumb ass" depending on how it's used - it takes me too long to figure it out when someone calls me that)
Fair Dinkum - only old people say it
Brekkie (Breakfast)
No Worries
Good on Ya
Arvo (afternoon)
Brollie (Umbrella)
Strata (Apartment Building)
Partner (spouse) pronounced pah-tna
Footy - could mean Rugby League, Rugby Union, Aussie Rules Football, Soccer, or NFL - you have to know the person's background and preferences to know which one they mean.
Rubber - eraser
I was trying to say some of the words with the correct accent the other day. Our Aussie friend said "Please tell me you won't do that when you go home".
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There are many thousands of kilometres of hi ways across the outback and millions of Kangaroos. To make the roads safe - they could either:
a. Invest in massive fencing on each side of the road
or
b. put this on their cars
Friday, September 9, 2011
More Cockatoos
We were hanging out on a Sunday afternoon with all of the windows open and heard a commotion outside.
There were a bunch of Cockatoos on our balcony. At one point we counted 12 - and there were more above, below, and around the corner from us.
Most of them look like this
But they let this guy hang out with them. I guess Cockatoos are accepting of all shapes, sizes, and colours. Poor guy. Or maybe it's a baby and hasn't got his fluff yet.
Some videos.
Here are 4 of them keeping an eye on the neighborhood. You can see others flying around in the background. Kim and I debating whether it's safe to get closer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaTEqMT0_Y8
The head of the gang was next door and decided to come see what we were up to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fokU4nm_ak
Now their attention has turned away from the neighborhood and toward us. I couldn't get it all in the camera but there were dozens of them swarming around and looking like they were going to come our way. Our bedroom window was wide open just off camera and they appeared to be going inside. Time to close the windows.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPtG2Si0jOg
There were a bunch of Cockatoos on our balcony. At one point we counted 12 - and there were more above, below, and around the corner from us.
Most of them look like this
But they let this guy hang out with them. I guess Cockatoos are accepting of all shapes, sizes, and colours. Poor guy. Or maybe it's a baby and hasn't got his fluff yet.
Some videos.
Here are 4 of them keeping an eye on the neighborhood. You can see others flying around in the background. Kim and I debating whether it's safe to get closer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaTEqMT0_Y8
The head of the gang was next door and decided to come see what we were up to.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fokU4nm_ak
Now their attention has turned away from the neighborhood and toward us. I couldn't get it all in the camera but there were dozens of them swarming around and looking like they were going to come our way. Our bedroom window was wide open just off camera and they appeared to be going inside. Time to close the windows.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPtG2Si0jOg
Monday, August 15, 2011
Bryan's Birthday at Port Douglas
Last month we went to Port Douglas, Queensland to celebrate Bryan's 50th birthday! Port Douglas is in far north Queensland and is one of the popular places to stay when planning a visit to the Great Barrier Reef. It is a small town similar to Key West with lots of open air restaurants and bars with live music.
On the first day, we went on a tour of the Daintree Rainforest. We enjoyed the beautiful scenery and the views of the rainforest and the beach.
We saw the warnings at the beginning of our journey to watch out for the deadly crocodiles. There are many places in Queensland where you cannot go swimming. Last week a crocodile was even found on a main street in the town of Cairns!
On the second day we did a snorkelling tour to the Reef. The boat ride out to the Reef was about 90 minutes and then we stopped at three different places for snorkelling. The water was very cold and a bit rough! We're not used to snorkelling in the middle of the ocean. We almost skipped the third snorkelling spot due to the cold - but luckily we decided to jump in at the last minute. The coral and fish were the most colourful here. And we got a picture of us to post on the blog! It was a real challenge to set the timer on the camera, perch it perfectly on a hunk of coral, and then swim into frame... but we got it!
On the first day, we went on a tour of the Daintree Rainforest. We enjoyed the beautiful scenery and the views of the rainforest and the beach.
We saw the warnings at the beginning of our journey to watch out for the deadly crocodiles. There are many places in Queensland where you cannot go swimming. Last week a crocodile was even found on a main street in the town of Cairns!
Later in the day on a river cruise we saw several crocodiles just hanging out on the beach by the river!!!
On the second day we did a snorkelling tour to the Reef. The boat ride out to the Reef was about 90 minutes and then we stopped at three different places for snorkelling. The water was very cold and a bit rough! We're not used to snorkelling in the middle of the ocean. We almost skipped the third snorkelling spot due to the cold - but luckily we decided to jump in at the last minute. The coral and fish were the most colourful here. And we got a picture of us to post on the blog! It was a real challenge to set the timer on the camera, perch it perfectly on a hunk of coral, and then swim into frame... but we got it!
On our last day we decided to keep things a bit more low key. We took a walk on the beach in the morning, soaked up some sun and then rented bikes in the afternoon to ride around town and down the beach.
We ended the day with a sunset drink and a nice dinner.
Overall it was a great trip!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
My mom has been kidnapped!
It is difficult to describe the isolation that separates us from the real world - where most of our friends and family are. We survive by maintaining connections through technology- e-mail, phones, Skype, blogs, etc. But there is always that nagging awareness that we are so far from home that even a plane ticket can't really solve a problem should one come up.
And then there are times, like today, when technology fails us, the contact is broken, the isolation amplifies and we are swept into a spiralling vortex of escalating panic and helpless, gripping, and completely irrational fear. It's not fun when it happens to me - but it was kind of funny when it happened to Kim this morning. Let me explain...
Shortly after we arrived at work this morning an instant message from Kim popped up on my computer screen:
Dear
{dramatic pause}
There is a problem with my iPhone
When Kim sends me a message that says Dear {dramatic pause} There is a problem with my iPhone - that is not really what she means. You have to be able to translate wife speak - which I am actually very good at. Before I translate Dear {dramatic pause} There is a problem with my iPhone for you, my loyal readers - I need to tell a story.
Several weeks ago, as I was about to begin another of my diets, I decided to take a "before" picture of my fat self. I thought it would be funny to take it with Kim's iPhone while wearing my grey Anthony Weiner boxer briefs. I got quite a chuckle out of it. Kim did not. Her iPhone is a corporate phone and she was convinced that my muffin top hanging over boxer brief picture was immediately intercepted by the corporate e-mail / phone / internet porno police. Our company does actually have a team of e-mail / phone / internet porno police by the way- but I was pretty confident this didn't qualify as porno. We agreed to disagree and dropped the subject.
Neither of us has mentioned this incident for weeks. Not since about 12 seconds after it happened. But, nonetheless, this morning when I read on my computer screen Dear {dramatic pause} There is a problem with my phone. I immediately knew that what she really meant was:
"I knew it! When you took that picture with my iPhone I knew I would get busted and now the corporate porno police have put some kind of secret surveillance software on it and the surveillance software has a glitch and now it is making my phone act funny! I knew it! I knew it! I just knew this was going to happen!"
In case you are wondering - this is not the "panic and fear" part of the story. I'm working towards that.
I remained calm and asked her about the nature of her iPhone problem. She explained, "well, I keep calling my mom and it rings once and then it answers and I can hear things in the background and I can hear her voice talking to other people- but she doesn't talk to me. When I call back it just keeps doing the same thing."
"Hmmmm..." I pondered. "Isn't it more likely that the problem is with her phone and not yours - since it is answering?" ...Unspoken by me, but fully understood by both of us - I'm not sure how some kind of faulty corporate porno filter could create that scenario.
I went back to work - but didn't get far. Another round of instant messages...
Dear. I'm seriously worried. :)
I try to interpret this one. I'm stumped. Do I focus on the "seriously worried" part? Or the smiley face at the end part? My wife speak translator was struggling with this one. And then someone came into my office to do some real work and I decided the smiley face was the decider.
After a few minutes I looked up from my meeting and I could see Kim standing anxiously outside of my office and she looked seriously worried. Ooops. Wrong decider. I hastily shut down my conversation and invited Kim to come into my office. She plopped into the chair:
k- I'm worried that something is wrong.
b- Because you can't get ahold of you mom?
k- yes. I can hear voices in the background and I can hear her talking sometimes. But I don't recognize the voices and she wouldn't be around strange voices like that.
b- What does she say when you hear her talking? Does she sound like she is in trouble?
k - no. she said something about feta cheese. And I could hear kids voices and it sounded like she was talking to the kids about feta cheese and other things.
b- you mean like she is at the grocery store?
k - no. it doesn't sound like the grocery store.
b- Is it like "I'd like some feta cheese with that" like she is ordering something?
k- no. it's like she is struggling and straining and saying it.
b- like "arrrrrrgh. feta cheese".
k - no, not like a pirate ordering feta cheese.
b- what does it sound like then?
k - actually... it sounds like she is answering her phone in her pocket and trying to talk in code so that whoever the voices are won't know she answered her phone. I think she might be kidnapped or in trouble or something.
b - {pause. think carefully about what you say next...} ummm. Have you tried to call her back?
k- yes. it always rings once - and then she answers - and then she says something in code and I know I'm supposed to know the code but I'm so nervous right now that I can't figure it out.
b - like "feta cheese"
k- yes! or one time she said "little monster".
b- did you ever discuss code words with her? and did you agree that "feta cheese" and "little monster" were secret code words to fool kidnappers? {look concerned. be calming. don't ridicule. your wife needs you to calm her right now.}
k- I don't remember! I don't think so! Maybe. Oh God! Why won't she just answer the phone!!
b- {I'm losing her... talk her down... get control} Is she maybe at an office picnic? did she meet Joette for a drink? is she at the golf course?
k- No! No! No! She's not any of those places. I just know it. That's why I'm sure she is in trouble.
b- can you call your sister to see if she knows about any social events tonight?
k- No! Then she will panic too!
b - let's call her on my speaker phone
Kim pushed the buttons and was so flustered that she called some random number in North Carolina. I looked up the real number and she took a deep breath and dialled again... Just like she said, it rang exactly once and answered and I could hear voices. Just like Kim said. We listened closely for clues and our ears were pressed close to the speaker.
I focused on the voices and although I couldn't really understand exactly what they were saying - I decided that the voices sounded calm and measured and there wasn't any apparent distress or threat. Kim reluctantly agreed that they sounded a lot like Fox 4 News at 5.
So I carefully weighed my next move. I thought about pressing and holding one of the numbers on my keypad and that would send the beeeeeeeeeep through to her phone and she might hear it. But, on the other hand, - it could also tip off her kidnappers that she had a hidden phone and then her only thread of contact, her only hope of being saved, would be cut off.
I weighed the risk for about .001 second and then held down one of the number keys.
It was working. I could hear rustling and fidgeting and Laurie said "what the ..."
Kim shouted into the phone "MOM! MOM! Answer me! Are you okay?!"
Laurie fumbled around with the phone and pressed some buttons causing the beep to ring out on our end and finally realized that we were on the line shouting at her.
Of course she was safe and we told her what had been happening.
We were able to work out that she got a new phone and it had been sitting on the counter somehow answering itself for the entire afternoon and letting all of us spy on her while she did her normal routine. When she heard the beeeeeeeep it was enough to get her to investigate.
Relieved and relaxed - Kim asked her if she was talking to someone about feta cheese?
l - no. I'm by myself. Nobody else here.
k- but I'm sure I heard you say 'feta cheese'?
l - nope. I haven't said a word since I got home at 4:00. Just me here, by myself.
k - that's strange
l- yes - it really is strange because I did spill some feta cheese on the floor awhile ago and had to clean it up.
b- {dramatic pause} were you maybe talking to yourself while you cleaned it up?
l - nope. I never said a word.
b- um hmm...
{finally - I've got some blog material for today. it's been awhile... }
we never did solve the 'little monster' mystery though...
And then there are times, like today, when technology fails us, the contact is broken, the isolation amplifies and we are swept into a spiralling vortex of escalating panic and helpless, gripping, and completely irrational fear. It's not fun when it happens to me - but it was kind of funny when it happened to Kim this morning. Let me explain...
Shortly after we arrived at work this morning an instant message from Kim popped up on my computer screen:
Dear
{dramatic pause}
There is a problem with my iPhone
When Kim sends me a message that says Dear {dramatic pause} There is a problem with my iPhone - that is not really what she means. You have to be able to translate wife speak - which I am actually very good at. Before I translate Dear {dramatic pause} There is a problem with my iPhone for you, my loyal readers - I need to tell a story.
Several weeks ago, as I was about to begin another of my diets, I decided to take a "before" picture of my fat self. I thought it would be funny to take it with Kim's iPhone while wearing my grey Anthony Weiner boxer briefs. I got quite a chuckle out of it. Kim did not. Her iPhone is a corporate phone and she was convinced that my muffin top hanging over boxer brief picture was immediately intercepted by the corporate e-mail / phone / internet porno police. Our company does actually have a team of e-mail / phone / internet porno police by the way- but I was pretty confident this didn't qualify as porno. We agreed to disagree and dropped the subject.
Neither of us has mentioned this incident for weeks. Not since about 12 seconds after it happened. But, nonetheless, this morning when I read on my computer screen Dear {dramatic pause} There is a problem with my phone. I immediately knew that what she really meant was:
"I knew it! When you took that picture with my iPhone I knew I would get busted and now the corporate porno police have put some kind of secret surveillance software on it and the surveillance software has a glitch and now it is making my phone act funny! I knew it! I knew it! I just knew this was going to happen!"
In case you are wondering - this is not the "panic and fear" part of the story. I'm working towards that.
I remained calm and asked her about the nature of her iPhone problem. She explained, "well, I keep calling my mom and it rings once and then it answers and I can hear things in the background and I can hear her voice talking to other people- but she doesn't talk to me. When I call back it just keeps doing the same thing."
"Hmmmm..." I pondered. "Isn't it more likely that the problem is with her phone and not yours - since it is answering?" ...Unspoken by me, but fully understood by both of us - I'm not sure how some kind of faulty corporate porno filter could create that scenario.
I went back to work - but didn't get far. Another round of instant messages...
Dear. I'm seriously worried. :)
I try to interpret this one. I'm stumped. Do I focus on the "seriously worried" part? Or the smiley face at the end part? My wife speak translator was struggling with this one. And then someone came into my office to do some real work and I decided the smiley face was the decider.
After a few minutes I looked up from my meeting and I could see Kim standing anxiously outside of my office and she looked seriously worried. Ooops. Wrong decider. I hastily shut down my conversation and invited Kim to come into my office. She plopped into the chair:
k- I'm worried that something is wrong.
b- Because you can't get ahold of you mom?
k- yes. I can hear voices in the background and I can hear her talking sometimes. But I don't recognize the voices and she wouldn't be around strange voices like that.
b- What does she say when you hear her talking? Does she sound like she is in trouble?
k - no. she said something about feta cheese. And I could hear kids voices and it sounded like she was talking to the kids about feta cheese and other things.
b- you mean like she is at the grocery store?
k - no. it doesn't sound like the grocery store.
b- Is it like "I'd like some feta cheese with that" like she is ordering something?
k- no. it's like she is struggling and straining and saying it.
b- like "arrrrrrgh. feta cheese".
k - no, not like a pirate ordering feta cheese.
b- what does it sound like then?
k - actually... it sounds like she is answering her phone in her pocket and trying to talk in code so that whoever the voices are won't know she answered her phone. I think she might be kidnapped or in trouble or something.
b - {pause. think carefully about what you say next...} ummm. Have you tried to call her back?
k- yes. it always rings once - and then she answers - and then she says something in code and I know I'm supposed to know the code but I'm so nervous right now that I can't figure it out.
b - like "feta cheese"
k- yes! or one time she said "little monster".
b- did you ever discuss code words with her? and did you agree that "feta cheese" and "little monster" were secret code words to fool kidnappers? {look concerned. be calming. don't ridicule. your wife needs you to calm her right now.}
k- I don't remember! I don't think so! Maybe. Oh God! Why won't she just answer the phone!!
b- {I'm losing her... talk her down... get control} Is she maybe at an office picnic? did she meet Joette for a drink? is she at the golf course?
k- No! No! No! She's not any of those places. I just know it. That's why I'm sure she is in trouble.
b- can you call your sister to see if she knows about any social events tonight?
k- No! Then she will panic too!
b - let's call her on my speaker phone
Kim pushed the buttons and was so flustered that she called some random number in North Carolina. I looked up the real number and she took a deep breath and dialled again... Just like she said, it rang exactly once and answered and I could hear voices. Just like Kim said. We listened closely for clues and our ears were pressed close to the speaker.
I focused on the voices and although I couldn't really understand exactly what they were saying - I decided that the voices sounded calm and measured and there wasn't any apparent distress or threat. Kim reluctantly agreed that they sounded a lot like Fox 4 News at 5.
So I carefully weighed my next move. I thought about pressing and holding one of the numbers on my keypad and that would send the beeeeeeeeeep through to her phone and she might hear it. But, on the other hand, - it could also tip off her kidnappers that she had a hidden phone and then her only thread of contact, her only hope of being saved, would be cut off.
I weighed the risk for about .001 second and then held down one of the number keys.
It was working. I could hear rustling and fidgeting and Laurie said "what the ..."
Kim shouted into the phone "MOM! MOM! Answer me! Are you okay?!"
Laurie fumbled around with the phone and pressed some buttons causing the beep to ring out on our end and finally realized that we were on the line shouting at her.
Of course she was safe and we told her what had been happening.
We were able to work out that she got a new phone and it had been sitting on the counter somehow answering itself for the entire afternoon and letting all of us spy on her while she did her normal routine. When she heard the beeeeeeeep it was enough to get her to investigate.
Relieved and relaxed - Kim asked her if she was talking to someone about feta cheese?
l - no. I'm by myself. Nobody else here.
k- but I'm sure I heard you say 'feta cheese'?
l - nope. I haven't said a word since I got home at 4:00. Just me here, by myself.
k - that's strange
l- yes - it really is strange because I did spill some feta cheese on the floor awhile ago and had to clean it up.
b- {dramatic pause} were you maybe talking to yourself while you cleaned it up?
l - nope. I never said a word.
b- um hmm...
{finally - I've got some blog material for today. it's been awhile... }
we never did solve the 'little monster' mystery though...
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Our best day in Sydney
Saturday was a really nice day so we decided to go out on a sailboat.
Luckily I had my iPhone with me and was able to capture this event. I love my iPhone. Sorry it's a bit shakey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk5kqEmm-RA
Then on our way back into the harbour ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhADOQsatJ0
The rocks in the background are the "north head". Loyal blog readers will recognize that is where we live (about a mile over those rocks).
During the day we saw many, many of them... here are some photos...
The tail really is as big as that boat in the background
We agreed that this has been our best day in Sydney so far.
**********************
update: this happened the next day - a boy was fishing in a boat and got whacked by a whale's tale...
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/boy-knocked-unconscious-by-whale-20110627-1gm9d.html
Also, same day... My bet is that he got whacked off the boat by a whale...
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/yacht-mystery-man-lost-overboard-while-wife-slept-20110627-1gm7t.html
Luckily I had my iPhone with me and was able to capture this event. I love my iPhone. Sorry it's a bit shakey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk5kqEmm-RA
Then on our way back into the harbour ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhADOQsatJ0
The rocks in the background are the "north head". Loyal blog readers will recognize that is where we live (about a mile over those rocks).
During the day we saw many, many of them... here are some photos...
The tail really is as big as that boat in the background
We were watching these two off in the distance - when Kim screamed "Look!! There is one right below us!!" We all leaned over and saw the enormous beast moving along beside our boat. The captain threw down his camera and lunged to shut of the engine and said "Shit". The picture isn't great because it was so large and so close that it couldn't fit in the frame. Kim took this picture because I was running around the boat looking for life jackets while flailing my arms in the "Joe Geris Jungle Cows are coming escape dance" because I was sure we were going to get flipped over. About 5 minutes after this incident our captain leaned over and told me that he was still a little shaken up by it. It hadn't happened to him before.
We agreed that this has been our best day in Sydney so far.
**********************
update: this happened the next day - a boy was fishing in a boat and got whacked by a whale's tale...
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/boy-knocked-unconscious-by-whale-20110627-1gm9d.html
Also, same day... My bet is that he got whacked off the boat by a whale...
http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/yacht-mystery-man-lost-overboard-while-wife-slept-20110627-1gm7t.html
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