Daily Life in Oz II

We just survived Swooping Season in Sydney. It's a harrowing time of year when yet another Australian creature threatens us. Magpies are ugly black birds who will protect their babies by silently swooping out of the sky when you least expect it. If you are unlucky - you get pecked.  A young boy got his eye poked out this year. When channel nine sent a reporter out to do the story - he got a bloody hole poked in the top of his head while on camera. I saw the whole thing on the TV news. After it happened they did a close-up view of his bloody hole in his scalp. I'm sure it's on you tube if you don't believe me. Kim and I got swooped once. Scared the shit out of me because he came from behind us silently. But no scratch or poke.

They love swooping cyclists

I was invited to join a yacht racing crew. We race on Friday evenings and I had my first yacht race last week. I'm the new guy on the team. Gene owns the boat and he is the skipper. I am excited to find an over-50 sport that I can participate in that embraces beer drinking and has minimal chance for injury. This is my 4th attempt after failing miserably at softball, bowling, and golf.

I learned that there is a wrong way to do every single thing on a boat and everyone is an expert on the right way to do it (except me). It doesn't matter what the sport is - I'm always going to be stuck in right field where I can do the least amount of damage. Until I buy my own boat and then I'll be the skipper!

How did we do? Did we win? Ummmm.... well... so here's the story. The race is handicapped. It starts at 6:00. Our boat is faster than many of them so we start at 6:12. When it is 5 minutes before your time you can sail into the staging area (behind the imaginary starting line). As we were in the staging area and our time was approaching - the Manly Ferry was pulling out of the wharf. the Manly Ferry is the size of a small cruise ship and it was positioned between us and the race officials who were sitting on shore (i.e. in the bar) keeping track of everything. Gene decided to use the cover of the Ferry and pulled in beside it to sneak across the line 5 seconds before his time. We later found out that he didn't fool anyone and they saw our mast or had a sneaky official on the other side or something. So we got penalized a minute and that put us from about 3rd(?) to about 12th(?).  I don't care - because it wasn't my fault. That's all I care about.

The first 30 minutes of the race is downwind. So we set out a gib pole and did a broad reach towards the first mark in the distance (this means there isn't any pulling ropes, grinding winches, yelling at the new guy - just poofed out sails full of wind. The sweet sound of beers opening rang out before we were 50 meters past the starting line. This is Awesome!

The finish line is exciting and chaotic. Because the start is handicapped - all of the boats finish at the same time. The faster boats are coming up behind the slower ones and after a 90-minute race with 25-40 foot long yachts- the deciding margin is inches! That's one of the reasons everyone yells at you when you pull on the wrong rope halfway through the race - because even the slightest mistake will cost inches at the end.

This Friday Kim will join me on a different boat (Gene is out of town).



Now that the weather is getting nicer- we will be spending less time watching television. During the dark cold winter we kept up on American TV. All of our favorite shows are on here - just not always on the same day. Sometimes they come on a few days after they air in the US - sometimes a few weeks after. Since news programs and things like Entertainment Tonight have less of a delay we always find out who got voted off, or fired, or got engaged, or beat their head into a wall before the episode actually airs locally. Or we read about it on someone's FaceBook "I can't believe that Donald Trump fired so-and-so...".

There is one exception to the sitcom delay rule. There is one sitcom that has become so vital to the Australian audience that it is on mere hours after it airs on CBS in the USA. Two and a Half Men. Aussies love their Two and a Half Men. Now... is it just me?... we need Charlie Sheen back. Sitting through 30 minutes of the new set-up is torture! It's horrible. When I leave Australia - I'm threatening Kim that I'm going to find Charlie Sheen and get him to hire me to work on a new show for him. He will play himself a.k.a Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

There is another interesting business strategy that American TV producers employ. Very clever. The Mentalist is on many times a week in Australia. And there is a new show called "Unforgettable" that is highly promoted. Other mediocre shows that are high visibility here: Hawaii 5-0, Chuck, Body of Proof. These all have one thing in common. Can you guess? .... they all have Australian actors hiding their accents in major roles. Poppy ("Unforgettable") has a terrible American accent. A pretty good show - but you will notice now if you pay attention.


Australians all eat lunch at exactly the same time. It's funny to watch. Kim and I usually get to wherever we are going before 12:10. We can sit anywhere we want to. We can take our time ordering. It's a lunch time utopia for us. 5 minutes later - all hell breaks loose and all of the seats are full and the lines are long. Sometimes an Australian friend will ask us to go to lunch with them. When that happens our hearts sink because we want to be polite and accept the invitation - but they always refuse to break the mold (even if we ask them to) and we know we are destined to be wandering around a food court with a tray of food looking for a place to sit like a grade 10 loser who can't find a seat. I remember that feeling all too well and I don't appreciate going back there as an adult.

Random change of direction while I'm complaining about the locals.That reminds me of another annoying trait we've seen in the commonwealth. When we were in London they had just opened an American Food store (Whole Foods). It was new and quite an attraction for the upscale London crowd. Kim and I went there to buy our first groceries. I pushed a cart down every aisle and Kim didn't buy a single item. Not one. She couldn't force herself to pay $15 for a small bunch of grapes or $4 for a single apple. So we got nothing. But while I was standing with an empty cart - I saw a clash of culture. US meets the Commonwealth. From the back room I saw a young Indonesian (I think) employee being urged out to the floor where the customers were. He had a tray of free samples of cheese. His arms were covered in toothpick scrapes and he had some small tears in his shirt. He was terrified - but the more senior employees kind of shoved him out. Have you ever seen a mob of Brits go after a tray of free samples? It is hilarious. And dangerous.  And frightening for the poor young guy who had to hold the tray. I'm sure they quit doing this for safety reasons - otherwise I would say it is worth a stopover in London to see it.