Winning

As I've mentioned in other blogs - we have taken up sailing and I sail on a Sydney Harbor racing team on Friday nights. Kim joins us when the winds and seas are reasonable because she gets bruised easily when we get tossed around. She shows me each bruise every day until it is completely faded away. She even shows her mom the bruises on Skype. It makes me feel guilty. Her doctor is going to think I'm abusing her.

There are normally about 30 yachts in each race.

We both prefer casual "cruising" to racing - but the experience that we get in these sessions is priceless and will help us be better sailors as we pursue this after we leave Australia.

As a 50-y-o new guy  - it is a humbling experience to be the dumbest guy on the crew. But Gene, our skipper, and David, first mate, have done their best to make me feel welcome and they involve me in tasks that are above my grade so that I can get the experience.

Early in my "training" I joined another crew in Melbourne for a race. The boat was different than any I was used to and the conditions were much more extreme than in the protected harbour. My friend Scott got us invited on the boat. Scott has no official training and we were both trying to stay out of the way. At one point the waves were crashing over the side of the boat and our boom had broached and the skipper shouted "Throw the Vang!!!!" Everyone was looking at Scott and me. We were just trying to stay out of the way and not get swept into the Tasman Sea. "Throw the Vang" everyone started shouting at once. I looked around, puzzled. I was able to figure out that "Vang" meant the Boom Vang. Then I was able to trace the sheet (fancy word for rope) to a line stopper and I happened to be the one located closest to the stopper.

I had never heard the term "throw" in this context - but, again, I was able to figure out that I needed to jerk the sheet out of the stopper to release tension... so I gave it a mighty tug with my wrist. Nothing. Most of my body was clutching onto something attached so I wouldn't fall off - so all I had left to invest in "throwing" was a girly flip of the wrist. Another tug. Nothing.

"Throw the F**king VANG:!!!!"the Skipper (not Gene) screamed at me.

With a 25 not wind full-on the large mainsail - it required all of my strength to eventually get the sheet "thrown". I lost my balance and fell onto the wet deck surrounded by our empty floating beer cans.

Humiliating experience.

During other races in Sydney Harbour we've experienced catastrophic equipment failure and even a collision - but this past Friday night we crossed the line first! It makes all of the humiliation and blisters and bruises and screaming worth it! We crossed the finish line first and turned to see 29 yachts chasing us with the sun setting behind them - it was a great moment that I will remember forever.

Here is a photo of the winning ceremony at the Manly Yacht Club after the race. David is sitting next to me. We won a bottle of wine. That is customary for Friday Night yacht racing. They race yachts worth hundreds of thousands of dollars and risk injury and sharks... all for a bottle of wine.

Shared photo book from laurie

Click here to view this photo book larger

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Free Yogurt in the Commonwealth

In my October 26 posting I made an observation about how giving out free samples was an American phenomenon that you don't see very often in other places. And when attempted - unintended consequences can result.

One morning while we were living in London we encountered a yogurt giveaway on the street corner. There were big barrels of iced down yogurt and someone handed one to Kim. The label looked like someone had printed them off in their garage. She smiled and got excited about the free breakfast. I've never once seen her eat yogurt. Not for breakfast, lunch, snack, or dinner - but she was smiling from ear to ear about it.

I made her throw it away.

"Dear, those people could be terrorists giving away virus-contaminated yogurt and these Brits who are rushing to grab some will be ground zero for a global outbreak". Some of the people around us were ripping the lids off and slurping down the stuff with flimsy plastic spoons right there on the street.

I had forgotten about that story until this morning...

We took the train to work (too hot to walk across the bridge with my computer). As we rode the escalator up to street level - I noticed a problem in front of us near the top. Instead of people filing off the escalator and flowing out into the street - there was a clog. And the escalator was continuing at normal speed and propelling us all into a growing crowd of people who were getting mashed together in an awkward smash up. We were able to avoid the core of the clog and skirt the crowd with some degree of dignity. As we passed by - I noticed the same familiar barrels of iced down yogurt and a collage of arms and hands clawing to get free jumbo-sized samples and flimsy plastic spoons. I laughed and reminded Kim that she isn't allowed to take any.

When I arrived at the office I went to the break room for coffee. I ran into Angelo - one of our Australian Associates. He had just finished off one jumbo container of yogurt - and was opening his second. He had Four in total. He was proud of his haul and it looked to me like he planned to eat all four in one sitting.

If I come down with a mysterious virus - seek out Angelo as the prime carrier.

I realized that this may be material for the blog - so I went back a few minutes later with my iPhone to take a picture of Angelo and his yogurt. But he had already finished and I would have to dig the empties out of the rubbish bin. 

Into the Mystic

My sons came for a visit to Australia. They just left today.

A couple of months ago, Kim and I attended the annual boat show in Sydney and were intrigued by the opportunity to charter a sail boat and explore some of the Whitsunday Islands at the southern tip of the Great Barrier Reef in Queensland. We decided that it would be a great way to spend some time with Tyler and Travis while they were here so we booked a large yacht (Catalina 445 - a 45-foot sloop) and made arrangements for a skipper to come along - since neither of us had ever sailed before.

In the 60 days or so that we had to prepare for the trip we decided to get some formal training so that we could make the most of the trip. We took a crash course that included an overnight trip (slept on the boat), Friday night racing, and Saturday afternoon lessons in Sydney Harbour.

On the big day - the four of us arrived in the Whitsundays to find perfect weather - but there was one hitch... Our "arrangements" for a skipper had not been noticed and they had to find a last-minute substitute.

The guy we got was kind of a nervous and spastic sort of fellow. Not the typical image you might have of a highly trained professional who would captain a 45-foot yacht for 6 days through treacherous reefs, sharks, etc.

But he had a very helpful first mate who held things together:

The crew had zero experience - but by the end of the first day they could tack, jibe, and trim sails like experts.

We hope you enjoy the video link below. Kim and I get teary-eyed every time we watch it - but we understand if you giggle at some of the clunky editing and cheesy sentimentality. We don't apologize.

My sincerest thanks to Van Morrison and the Zac Brown Band for creating the music and a special thank you to the late Steve Jobs for having the vision to create the tools to let me put this together in a few hours with just an iPhone and an iMac!

Important notice - YouTube would not allow my video since it has music attached... So I'm trying something that may be slow and unreliable... please be patient. Grandma's, Moms, and Aunts will find it worth the wait...


A new fast link to the video

Daily Life in Oz II

We just survived Swooping Season in Sydney. It's a harrowing time of year when yet another Australian creature threatens us. Magpies are ugly black birds who will protect their babies by silently swooping out of the sky when you least expect it. If you are unlucky - you get pecked.  A young boy got his eye poked out this year. When channel nine sent a reporter out to do the story - he got a bloody hole poked in the top of his head while on camera. I saw the whole thing on the TV news. After it happened they did a close-up view of his bloody hole in his scalp. I'm sure it's on you tube if you don't believe me. Kim and I got swooped once. Scared the shit out of me because he came from behind us silently. But no scratch or poke.

They love swooping cyclists

I was invited to join a yacht racing crew. We race on Friday evenings and I had my first yacht race last week. I'm the new guy on the team. Gene owns the boat and he is the skipper. I am excited to find an over-50 sport that I can participate in that embraces beer drinking and has minimal chance for injury. This is my 4th attempt after failing miserably at softball, bowling, and golf.

I learned that there is a wrong way to do every single thing on a boat and everyone is an expert on the right way to do it (except me). It doesn't matter what the sport is - I'm always going to be stuck in right field where I can do the least amount of damage. Until I buy my own boat and then I'll be the skipper!

How did we do? Did we win? Ummmm.... well... so here's the story. The race is handicapped. It starts at 6:00. Our boat is faster than many of them so we start at 6:12. When it is 5 minutes before your time you can sail into the staging area (behind the imaginary starting line). As we were in the staging area and our time was approaching - the Manly Ferry was pulling out of the wharf. the Manly Ferry is the size of a small cruise ship and it was positioned between us and the race officials who were sitting on shore (i.e. in the bar) keeping track of everything. Gene decided to use the cover of the Ferry and pulled in beside it to sneak across the line 5 seconds before his time. We later found out that he didn't fool anyone and they saw our mast or had a sneaky official on the other side or something. So we got penalized a minute and that put us from about 3rd(?) to about 12th(?).  I don't care - because it wasn't my fault. That's all I care about.

The first 30 minutes of the race is downwind. So we set out a gib pole and did a broad reach towards the first mark in the distance (this means there isn't any pulling ropes, grinding winches, yelling at the new guy - just poofed out sails full of wind. The sweet sound of beers opening rang out before we were 50 meters past the starting line. This is Awesome!

The finish line is exciting and chaotic. Because the start is handicapped - all of the boats finish at the same time. The faster boats are coming up behind the slower ones and after a 90-minute race with 25-40 foot long yachts- the deciding margin is inches! That's one of the reasons everyone yells at you when you pull on the wrong rope halfway through the race - because even the slightest mistake will cost inches at the end.

This Friday Kim will join me on a different boat (Gene is out of town).



Now that the weather is getting nicer- we will be spending less time watching television. During the dark cold winter we kept up on American TV. All of our favorite shows are on here - just not always on the same day. Sometimes they come on a few days after they air in the US - sometimes a few weeks after. Since news programs and things like Entertainment Tonight have less of a delay we always find out who got voted off, or fired, or got engaged, or beat their head into a wall before the episode actually airs locally. Or we read about it on someone's FaceBook "I can't believe that Donald Trump fired so-and-so...".

There is one exception to the sitcom delay rule. There is one sitcom that has become so vital to the Australian audience that it is on mere hours after it airs on CBS in the USA. Two and a Half Men. Aussies love their Two and a Half Men. Now... is it just me?... we need Charlie Sheen back. Sitting through 30 minutes of the new set-up is torture! It's horrible. When I leave Australia - I'm threatening Kim that I'm going to find Charlie Sheen and get him to hire me to work on a new show for him. He will play himself a.k.a Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm.

There is another interesting business strategy that American TV producers employ. Very clever. The Mentalist is on many times a week in Australia. And there is a new show called "Unforgettable" that is highly promoted. Other mediocre shows that are high visibility here: Hawaii 5-0, Chuck, Body of Proof. These all have one thing in common. Can you guess? .... they all have Australian actors hiding their accents in major roles. Poppy ("Unforgettable") has a terrible American accent. A pretty good show - but you will notice now if you pay attention.


Australians all eat lunch at exactly the same time. It's funny to watch. Kim and I usually get to wherever we are going before 12:10. We can sit anywhere we want to. We can take our time ordering. It's a lunch time utopia for us. 5 minutes later - all hell breaks loose and all of the seats are full and the lines are long. Sometimes an Australian friend will ask us to go to lunch with them. When that happens our hearts sink because we want to be polite and accept the invitation - but they always refuse to break the mold (even if we ask them to) and we know we are destined to be wandering around a food court with a tray of food looking for a place to sit like a grade 10 loser who can't find a seat. I remember that feeling all too well and I don't appreciate going back there as an adult.

Random change of direction while I'm complaining about the locals.That reminds me of another annoying trait we've seen in the commonwealth. When we were in London they had just opened an American Food store (Whole Foods). It was new and quite an attraction for the upscale London crowd. Kim and I went there to buy our first groceries. I pushed a cart down every aisle and Kim didn't buy a single item. Not one. She couldn't force herself to pay $15 for a small bunch of grapes or $4 for a single apple. So we got nothing. But while I was standing with an empty cart - I saw a clash of culture. US meets the Commonwealth. From the back room I saw a young Indonesian (I think) employee being urged out to the floor where the customers were. He had a tray of free samples of cheese. His arms were covered in toothpick scrapes and he had some small tears in his shirt. He was terrified - but the more senior employees kind of shoved him out. Have you ever seen a mob of Brits go after a tray of free samples? It is hilarious. And dangerous.  And frightening for the poor young guy who had to hold the tray. I'm sure they quit doing this for safety reasons - otherwise I would say it is worth a stopover in London to see it.

Alice Springs

We decided to get away from the crowds of the east coast and visit the outback. We spent the recent labour day weekend in Alice Springs, where we hired a tour guide and a Harley to explore the McDonnell ranges around the area.

We got to see stuff like this during our ride... (if you click on the photo you should see a bigger, better version... I couldn't fit it within this view)

Simpson's Gap

Standley Chasm

Eastern McDowells

Alice Springs is a really, really remote place in Northern Territories, Australia. By car - it would take 17 hours to drive to the next major city (Adelaide). On the way from the airport to our hotel I thought out loud "This may be as far as we will ever be from our actual home". It's about 10,000 miles from KC.

We were both kind of excited to have this unique opportunity to visit such a distant and exotic place - yet still "English speaking". Our taxi dropped us off at the hotel - and this is the first thing we saw as we stepped onto the ground in Alice Springs.... (scoll down for a dramatic reveal)

Seriously?

So I decided to make a mental note of the other familiar Brands from home that we encountered. In the first hour in Alice Springs I noticed Hallmark Cards and HR Block - both Kansas City companies. Then I stopped paying attention.

Here are some Video links of our adventures once we got outside of town:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTz8of0sGK0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-09ugnukAd0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47VL4X3uWNw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lah8eMyjjPg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnr7HFZX_uM&feature=related

Daily Life in Oz

A few things to catch up on...

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Some friends invited us over to watch the AFL playoff game between the Hawthorne Hawks and the Collingwood Magpies. Kim took her iPhone with her on a trip to the bathroom. Aussie homes don't typically have abundant closet space.

No closets - but they just opened a Costco!

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Some Aussie words that we find ourselves using a lot and may bring home with us:

Lift - easier to say than el-a-va-tor

Loo - simpler than "rest room, bathroom, men's room, powder room, toilet..."

Rubbish - replaces "garbage", "trash", and "bullshit".

Booking - replaces res-er-va-tion

Bill - instead of "can we have our check, please". Isn't it really a bill?

Capsicum (bell peppers) - simply calling them pepper isn't specific enough. Too many different "peppers" in the USA.

Decider (pronounced da-soi-dah! as in a proclamation of sporting drama and excitement "Tonight - it is the da-soi-dah!!) - Third Game in 2 out of three, Seventh game in best of Seven

Rank - where the taxis are lined up waiting for customers

Mossie - mos-qui-to

esky - cooler

stubbie - koozie

Mince - ground beef

Dodgy  (always pre-fixed by "a bit" - as in "that neighbourhood looks a bit doo-jey") - replaces shady, sketchy, unreliable, suspect).  Thanks to Lisa for the correct spelling stolen from her blog.

Holiday - replaces vacation

RBT (Random Breath Test) - DUI Checkpoint

Wanker - asshole

Common Aussie / phrases words that we refuse to use:

Bloody Hell

Mate (can mean "friend" or "dumb ass" depending on how it's used - it takes me too long to figure it out when someone calls me that)

Fair Dinkum - only old people say it

Brekkie (Breakfast)

No Worries 

Good on Ya

Arvo (afternoon) 

Brollie (Umbrella)

Strata (Apartment Building)

Partner (spouse) pronounced pah-tna

Footy - could mean Rugby League, Rugby Union, Aussie Rules Football, Soccer, or NFL - you have to know the person's background and preferences to know which one they mean.

Rubber - eraser

I was trying to say some of the words with the correct accent the other day. Our Aussie friend said "Please tell me you won't do that when you go home".

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There are many thousands of kilometres of hi ways across the outback and millions of Kangaroos. To make the roads safe - they could either:

a. Invest in massive fencing on each side of the road

or

b. put this on their cars