Look Right

As I've mentioned elsewhere in the blog - cars drive on the wrong side of the road here. I've also mentioned that we walk a lot. This combination has added a new dimension to our daily lives as we have had to re-program ourselves to safely cross the street. As suburban Americans living in a strange land - this isn't as easy as it seems. In fact, there must have been such an epidemic of suburban Americans getting squashed onto the pavement by busses - the local councils were forced to paint these reminders on every corner -

This photo was taken near our office - the dreaded double-Look hazard.

Lee and Pat were here for a visit recently. The first time they crossed the street they almost stepped in front of a car. Pat had defiantly looked Left because she thought "LOOK RIGHT ->" was political graffiti and she would have no part of that!

Crossing the street has been the source of some marital friction since we arrived (it was also an issue for us in London). As we approach a crossing, we each sub-consciously perform the mental calculations on whether it is safe to cross. Sometimes we come up with a different answer.

I'm okay if we make a different decision and momentarily end up on opposite sides of the street. One waits until the other one catches up, I say "sorry" and we continue. Kim prefers to instantly auto-correct her course to mine. This creates some awkward halting or spinning or lunging ballet moves at the edge of the street. It's bad enough - but she draws attention to us because she always flails her arms in an exaggerated gesture and exclaims "Dear!" because it's my fault. People look and giggle, cars honk at the clumsy Americans.

The mental calculations are complex and are happening in the background - a typical, everyday scenario plays out like this:

We are walking side-by-side - approaching an intersection, talking while, at the same time, sizing up the situation ahead

"Dear, do you think our love is greater in the morning - or greater in the evening"

"I don't know, dear. You can't measure our love"

"You don't have to measure it to know if it's greater or not"

"I don't think our love goes up and down. Only up. It's like the expanding universe."

"Oh, You are so Right, dear! Can you write a blog about this?"

"No, I can't work this into a blog"

{Stop}

{Go}

"Unh! Dear!!! Why did you do that??!"

{honk}

"Sorry"

I was thinking about this issue recently, attempting to come up with a solution to the only source of marital friction in our life. Since I used to be a software developer - I broke down my mental formula for "wait or go" so I could analyse (no zed's here) each component. I think I've uncovered the flaw...

Bryan's Variables for Crossing Street

(velocity of oncoming vehicle)
(mass of oncoming vehicle)
(distance to oncoming vehicle)
(distance to point of potential squash impact)
(distance to cross to safety)
(current stride rate)
(accelerated quick slide stride rate) <-- Here is the problem

The accelerated quick slide stride rate (AQSSR)


I have a natural boost mode that allows me to instantly and imperceptibly increase my walking speed. This was key to my survival growing up in Independence. Walking around and see a bully, a drug dealer, the principal, police, swim coach (or pretty much any grown up) - and I just kick in the AQSSR and disappear around a corner or into a crowd. There is a 90% chance that any encounter I would have with any of those people would end with me having to do something I didn't want to do.

The threat is detected in my peripheral vision and {poof} I'm gone. Like magic.

It doesn't work if you spin your head around, make full on eye contact with the bully, and attempt a high-step "get-out-of-my-way" escape. It has to be subtle and quick.

One Christmas Eve middle-of-the-night Brent and I had climbed the rail from our room to get downstairs (the stairs creaked loudly so we couldn't go that way). We were getting a sneak peak at the pile of gifts under the tree - when suddenly the light came on from behind us and 6 y-o Traci said "Look! It's a sled!" Brent and I executed the AQSSR so effectively the stairs didn't even creak and we were under the covers pretending to be asleep before Mom made it out to scold Traci.

It comes in handy as an adult too. I've used it on my boss lot's of times to avoid work.

I've seen 40-year-old cousin Virg AQSSR down the fairway after hitting a house with a golf ball. I saw him strike the ball and heard it hit the house - but the way he perfectly executed the AQSSR - I, myself, questioned what just happened. It's brilliant.

The problem is that Kim doesn't have the AQSSR gene. She was raised in a different environment. Whereas my agenda was to go unnoticed - hers was the opposite. She learned to walk with poise and grace. In her youthful encounters with adults, the outcome was more likely to be something like:

 "Kim, Kim! Wait! We are trying to find someone who could ride in the mayor's convertible in the parade next week and you would be perfect! I'm so glad I ran into you today!"
or
"Kim, Kim! Wait! We wanted to tell you that your tiara at this year's banquet was even more stunning than last years! We are so proud of your great achievements!"

I was more likely to get:

"Hold it right there son. Is that the pipe wrench you used to open the fire hydrant up on Spring street"
or
"Hold it right there son. Is that strawberry juice on your chin? Were you and Virg up in grandma's strawberry patch"
or
"Hold it right there son. Why is Traci crying again? Where is your brother?"

Kim's Variables for Crossing Street

same as Bryan's - except for the last one.

in place of:

(accelerated quick slide stride rate)

she has:

(what does it look like Bryan is going to do?)

So while we are talking and walking and calculating - she is also watching me for clues about what I'm going to do. I'm so good at the AQSSR, however, that she doesn't know it's coming until I'm suddenly halfway across the street!

Over the months - she's tried to figure it out. She has watched me closely and now she is trying to teach herself the AQSSR. But it's a disaster. Her first move is elbows out, away from her body to somehow create speed leverage. Her weight goes back on her left heel while her right toe thrusts out into the air, pausing 12 inches above the pavement while she regains her balance. She looks like the Struttin' guy on a bottle of Gates BBQ Sauce. And the net result is that she actually moves slower - not faster. Meanwhile the E50 bus is bearing down on her.

Anyway, now that I more fully understand the flaws in our mental calculations, I can make adjustments. I'm not going to try to teach her the AQSSR - you either have it or you don't. I'm learning to give her a quick 'nod' before I invoke the AQSSR. I err in favor of "stop" and I make sure that I am positioned where I can grab her flying elbow to stop her from going forward. It makes a nice handle. She still gets frustrated when this happens - but at least in this scenario there isn't a bus coming at her while she spins and scolds me "Dear!".

At this point I probably need to stop - or the blog may replace crossing the street as our only source of marital friction!